Journal for Day 74
LESSON 70
My salvation comes from me.
“2 The seeming cost of accepting today’s idea is this: It means that nothing outside yourself can save you; nothing outside yourself can give you peace. But it also means that nothing outside yourself can hurt you, or disturb your peace or upset you in any way. Today’s idea places you in charge of the universe, where you belong because of what you are. This is not a role that can be partially accepted. And you must surely begin to see that accepting it is salvation.”
I used to think that I could be happy if only something in the world changed. Maybe if I had more money, or a new customer, or if my children would only be safe, always something outside my own mind was my salvation. I was like a child in my thinking. I even had the thought that God should save me from my own choices and my own thoughts. If only He would just snatch me up out of this illusion and bring me back to Him.
I don’t believe these things at all. Except for when I do. When I worry about my son, I am, in effect, making him responsible for my happiness. The difference now is that I believe it briefly, then I release that belief. It is a stubborn one, though, and I pick it up again and again. Even though, I do this, I know, I absolutely know that my son’s unhappiness is not an attack on my peace and his happiness is not the solution to my lack of peace. It is just the latest justification and not one I really believe.
My problems are in one place only and that is in my mind. The solution is in the same place and so if I am not finding the solution, I must be looking for it with my eyes closed shut against it. I am learning to face this and to make new decisions based on what I really want, which is the peace of God. And I am willing to finally admit that the peace of God is not found in my son’s behavior changing, but in my own mind changing.
I think that I must lose weight in order to be happy. In my mind I want to say that this attempt to place my salvation outside my reach is pretty shallow and even silly. But the truth is, this overweight body is an illusion and my son’s body is equally an illusion. The story of Myron and her son is an illusion. The keyboard is an illusion. The computer is an illusion. None of it is real so how could one error in an illusion be worse or more important, or even different than another. It is all the same.
“My salvation cannot come from any of these things. My salvation comes from me and only from me.”
And thank God for that! I want to awaken, and God wants me to awaken. He placed the solution to my problem in my mind right where it was needed. It has taken me a long time it seems to decide that I really want the solution, but that time has come. I was having trouble seeing my son as simply a symbol of the separation idea, and it still makes me flinch to say it now. But either the world is an illusion or its not.
What makes this possible for me is that I know that my love is not an illusion. The idea of mother and son will not endure, and so it is not something I will cling to. I know for a fact that when I let go of the form of the relationship, I enjoy it far more and it stops being a block to universal love. I know it because I have experienced it. I also know that I cannot hold onto any idols if I want to walk through the clouds to the light within. And when I give up the illusion of a relationship, I experience true union instead.
“Try to pass the clouds by whatever means appeals to you. If it helps you, think of me holding your hand and leading you. And I assure you this will be no idle fantasy.”
And so I call on Jesus to be with me, to hold my hand and I believe in him and his promise.
That was a lovely meditation. No light, but a beautiful peace.
Regina’s Tip on this lesson. (https://awakening-together.org/tips-from-regina-lesson-71-only-gods-plan-for-salvation-will-work/)
This was such a helpful tip that instead of quoting the part that stands out to me, I am quoting most of it.
“My salvation comes from me” does not mean that the little self saves itself. It cannot. Nor does it mean that absolutely nothing is required of the little self.
It may be helpful to look at it this way: There is no clear dividing line between the little self and truth. The little self’s mental chatter is like the foam on a wave. The personal sense of self is like a wave. Internal wisdom is like the part of the ocean that can be reached by the light of the sun. The source is like the depth of the ocean that is beyond the sun’s reach. Although on the one hand there are degrees of difference between these aspects of the ocean, they are all ocean.
In this figurative example, you are the ocean. If you are the ocean, then you are the mental chatter, the individual sense of self, internal wisdom and the source. So when we say that your salvation comes from you, all these parts of you can participate in your salvation.
• The part of the mind that engages in mental chatter can contemplate the workbook lesson or practice inquiry instead of chattering meaninglessly
• The sense of self can rest in awareness instead of resting in mental chatter
• Inner wisdom can provide guidance
• The source can awaken us entirely
As you see, “my salvation comes from me,” but it doesn’t come from one part of me in a vacuum. All parts of me cooperate in salvation. From the perspective of the little self, I have a part in my awakening and God (grace, the universe) has a part in my awakening too. So as yesterday’s lesson emphasized, I do my part and trust that God (the deeper parts of the ocean) will do its part.
Awakening is a focus for the whole of me, or all of me, as one joined will.
My Thoughts
I don’t know that I need to add much to this. The one thing that I will comment on is the last paragraph. As Regina says, from the perspective of the little self, I have a part and God has a part. From my perspective, I recognize that God includes me, not me as my ego self, but me as I was created. Perhaps my perspective is not fully Regina’s perspective, but close enough that I understand and can make use of everything Regina said in this tip.
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