Journal for Day 10
LESSON 10
My thoughts do not mean anything.
Something I realized this morning is that for all these years I have just been paying lip service to this idea. I noticed that because this morning it is different. My thoughts really don’t mean anything. They are not important. A friend on Facebook has an idea about what something in the Course means. He is willing to argue for his version and he feels the need to get others to believe he is right.
He thinks he needs to be right. He thinks his thoughts mean something and therefore he must defend them and spread his good news.
I know how he feels. Over the many years I have studied the Course, I have had ego “revelations” that I firmly believed in. I have wanted everyone to know about them and to believe them with me. Slowly, this has changed. Recently, I read something in the Course that I had not noticed before and it really helped me. Once I saw it there, I was surprised that I had not known this before. It was so helpful to me that I wanted everyone to know about it, but no one else seemed to be aware of its significance or to be interested in it.
I wondered if I was completely wrong and was being unhelpful in sharing. I wrote to Regina and told her what was going on and asked her if I was seeing this all wrong. Regina said the most helpful thing she could have. She said that if it can be put into words it is not truth. Here is what matters: Is it helpful? She said the way I was using it was helpful to me and I should continue to use it.
I still use it, and I talk about it when it is appropriate to the conversation. I no longer think that anyone else needs to know it or believe it or use it unless that is where their Inner Guidance takes them. I no longer believe my thoughts about all that mean anything. When my friend was arguing his point on Facebook, I understood how he felt, but the thought that went through my mind was this. Do these ideas that we are attached to help us wake up? Or do they just distract us and separate us further?
I am happy to let him believe what he believes at this moment. I am happy to believe what I believe at this moment. I am happy if all that changes in the next moment. None of it means anything because it is just thoughts in the ego mind. It is a weirdly strange and wonderful place to be for someone who has been chasing THE truth all her life. It is freeing. And more importantly, it leaves a
place in my mind for truth to reveal itself in whatever way is helpful to me.
NTI Romans Chapter 2 cont.
The Holy Spirit goes on to explain that when judgment was applied, something new was made, so our experience began immediately. Now we had two options and so we had to choose. Did we want to laugh at this idea and remain in Reality, or did we want to explore this new idea that while not real could be interesting. Well, we know which option we chose. This exploration required that we believe what we had done was real even though it was only fantasy and so here we are.
This is moment that we lost our way because having to choose judgment again, we judged ourselves for making this choice. In ACIM, Jesus says that we took a detour into fear and guilt. This must have been quite a shock for us never having experienced anything like it. We became engrossed and lost our way out as we lost our identity. All the while, nothing was happening, there was no sin and nothing we did has ever been real and so we are perfectly safe even as we believe in danger.
“Judgment is the tool that built the world, and judgment keeps the experience alive. But judgment came from nothing but an impossible idea and the desire to think about it some more.”
No wonder Jesus tells us to give up judgment. He talks about this all the time in A Course in Miracles, but here in NTI, the reason we must relinquish judgment finally becomes crystal clear to me. I also see great resistance to this idea within my own mind. I am of two minds about this. No surprise there, we do have a split mind. I don’t want judgment anymore and when I notice that I am judging, I quickly give it over and ask the Holy Spirit to judge for me.
On the other hand, I seem to be unwilling to simply stop judging. I forget all about my decision to relinquish judgment for periods of time until judgment gets me in trouble and suddenly I remember. I don’t kid myself about the “forgetfulness.” It doesn’t just happen. It is a decision I make and then make a choice to forget I made it. I could become discouraged about this and even sink into guilt, but the next paragraph is what keeps me from doing so.
“All judgment is fantasy. Judgment spins fantasy. Judgment is a way to explore. It is a game, a folly, and nothing more. It has no purpose and makes nothing real. Judgment is a web of meaningless thoughts given only the power of fantasy and absolutely nothing more.”
Whew! Thank goodness for that.
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