LESSON 106
Let me be still and listen to the truth.
“And you will learn your function from the One Who chose it in your Father’s Name for you”.
I often think of those moments that changed the course of my life. I had a moment in which I knew I had to leave my husband. I had been thinking about doing so for a long time, for years, really. But I kept putting it off and then one day the thought came to me that I could not conduct my ministry if I was married to him, and I decided right then to end the marriage with no more questioning and doubting. That thought came from the Holy Spirit and that was the reason I simply accepted it.
A couple of years before that, I had the desire to find something to do that would help me to feel useful since my kids were all nearly grown. It seemed to me that I was going through possibilities and deciding what I wanted to do, but I know that it had been decided for me. I was led to Pathways of Light, and shortly after that, I heard the calling to minister.
It was not a decision made by the ego even though it came through the mind. It was a calling that was so clear and compelling that I simply did what I was told. “I did this” and “I did that” was just a story that I made up to explain my choice because at that time I was not used to following the Holy Spirit, wasn’t familiar with His Voice in the way I came to be. I still needed the idea of words and ego reasoning.
“Hear Him today, and listen to the Word which lifts the veil that lies upon the earth, and wakes all those who sleep and cannot see. God calls to them through you. He needs your voice to speak to them, for who could reach God’s Son except his Father, calling through your Self? Hear Him today, and offer Him your voice to speak to all the multitude who wait to hear the Word that He will speak today.”
God needs my voice. At first, it was hard for me to accept this. I did not think I had anything worth sharing and I was right about that. My ego self had nothing to offer, but I was not being asked to share from that part of the mind. I came to understand that the words or actions that were needed would come through the mind but not from the mind.
It was touch and go for a while until I got the hang of it, but now I experience it regularly even if not perfectly. This is now my favorite prayer: Where would You have me go? What would You have me do? What would You have me say and to whom?
I have sometimes wished I had been given a different function. I wonder why I am not a scribe like Regina. I wish I was a better teacher. I have students that I send to someone else because I am told to do so, and I wonder why I can’t do what they do. But that is just the ego always wanting more and different than it has. The ego is a wanting machine, always dissatisfied.
What Jesus helped me to understand is that it doesn’t matter what part of the Sonship does this thing or that as long as it gets done. The ego thinks we are separate and this automatically creates the idea of competition and dissatisfaction. That realization stopped me from caring about what my part seems to be and now I just try to get better at it.
“Let me be still and listen to the truth.
I am the messenger of God today,
My voice is His, to give what I receive.”
I questioned if I was doing what I came to do. It seems to me that I am, but I still hear the ego voice of doubt. I write and I teach and I counsel and I mentor. As I do so, I am a conduit for His Voice just as I was asked to be. But as I said, I am not a pure conduit, and so I question if I am truly a bringer of miracles. This morning I decided that I am but that I can learn to be better as I continue to clear my mind of ego beliefs so there is nothing interfering with my function.
Regina’s Tips
True spirituality isn’t about belief. It is about your own direct experience.
Our “faith” isn’t based on belief. Our “faith” is based on trust. We trust the teachings enough to try it for ourself. Instead of believing the teachings, we practice them, and through practice we experience truth directly.
Keep this in mind as you go forward with spirituality. There will be a lot of opportunities to believe something. Believing isn’t the point. Practice is the point.
My Thoughts
Why did I believe the thought that I was to leave my husband or the thought that I was to be a minister? I didn’t know much at that time and had not had enough experience to fall back on. What I did have was trust. I had faith that something was being decided for me and that I could trust it. I was told that I am to practice everything I learn and I do that. I am vigilant and I am dedicated to this practice. I had to trust the Voice that gave me that idea because I did not believe in myself enough to do this work consistently. Practice, faith, trust, acceptance, open minded, these are important ideas to me. I live these ideas.
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