Lesson 86
(71) Only God’s plan for salvation will work.
(72) Holding grievances is an attack on God’s plan for salvation.
I noticed that when the contractor was putting up the toilet paper holder and towel holder, he put it in a place on the wall that would not hold it. Now they are falling off and I am going to have to replace them and repaint. I was feeling aggrieved.
I checked my bank balance just a few minutes ago and noticed the bank clerk deposited my money into my checking even though I asked her to put it in my savings, and for just a moment I felt annoyed with her. Lesson 21 says that annoyance is nothing but a veil drawn over intense fury. Jeez! That’s crazy.
But it is an example, I think, of the value I place on grievances. It seems that I am resisting the holy instant so that I can be furious at a nice lady for a simple error. I did, however, catch it quickly and I changed my mind just as quickly, so there is that. I would be discouraged with myself except that Jesus reassures me that I will have the holy instant and he also reminds me that it has gone nowhere. It may be obscured, but it has not ceased to exist.
Something that bears looking at is that my grievances are an actual attack on God’s plan for salvation. They seem to prove that God’s plan doesn’t work, when all along if I am willing to see the obvious, my grievances will prove to me that my plan is not working. They make me miserable and frighten me. I am astounded at myself as I realize how often I have these little grievances in my mind. I am happy to let them go. I do that as quickly and thoroughly as I can. I don’t want to defend against God any more.
Regina’s Tips for this lesson
Discouragement is of the ego. It is one of the ego’s preservation strategies, since discouragement keeps us from spiritual practice. If we see discouragement as an ego trick, it may help us NOT listen to thoughts of discouragement.
My thoughts
I used to go through discouragement periodically and it was painful. Now I experience it briefly and it is still painful, but only for a short time until I move out of it. Understanding that this is just ego or bad code is helpful in keeping me from getting drawn deeply into it. I am also aware that where I place my attention becomes my experience, so I try never to place my attention on what I don’t want to experience.
If I have an ego moment of discouragement, I shift my attention to the truth because the truth gives me an experience that I prefer. What is true now, is that the ego mind has become vicious in its attempts to maintain itself and so those rare attacks are brutal. I guess that’s good, really, because I am highly motivated to end them.
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