When I first started doing the lessons some of them were so beautiful and so comforting, some went right over my head, and some I was obviously afraid of. Then I reached a point where I knew that I didn’t really understand any of them and I was afraid of all of them. Now I seem to be more accepting and less fearful. Speaking each one feels like a sacred moment, and each word is filled with meaning. These lessons feel like old friends returning with new gifts as I am more and more open to accepting them. I am learning not to struggle, and that I don’t need to wrestle the gift from the lesson; quiet, honest acceptance elicits meaning, and what I am not ready for will be disclosed later when I am less afraid.
What is interesting to me is that the longer I study and practice the simpler it all becomes. “God is but Love, and therefore so am I.” God is Love and nothing else. I am created like God and so I am only love. Nothing else is true. “I am as God created me.” Every bit of evidence to the contrary is false because only this is true. All my fears and doubts are just the effect of imaginative child’s play and change nothing. I am still as God created me.
“Give me your blessing holy Son of God” is the request I make of each brother and what he gives me is truly a blessing. If it seems like an attack it is because I have mistaken who he is and so have forgotten who I am. I ask for his gift and do not judge it on appearances. I cannot judge on my own because the ego has taught me insane lessons of lack, fear and uncertainty. My vision is no longer clear and so I go to my Helper and ask clarity. I know there is only blessing from my dear brother and I am ready to see it as such.
I am so filled with gratitude this morning, and I ask that Holy Spirit come forward in my mind and accompany me as I enter the more active classrooms of this school. I have visited them with the ego and have not found it helpful.
Holy Spirit: Precious child, I have always been with you and will never leave you. I am part of you and it is My function to guide you. We are filled with love and gratitude for the vigilance you have shown as you practice the Course. We rejoice as we watch you slowly open your eyes and learn to see truly. For a while longer you will be tempted by the ego, and will be drawn back into the dream, but, as I have said before, never again will you be completely lost in it.
Myron, do not allow yourself to think of the ego as a powerful adversary. The Son of God has no adversary. The ego is just a thought. It is the thought that there is something other than God. In dreams it seems to have caused untold pain and fear. It is the thought of murder and guilt, but in the end it is only a thought.
How often have you thought one thing and then changed your mind? Because you have held this thought for so long and because you have defended it with layers of concealment you have made it seem something more than just a thought, but I assure you that is all it is. When you are ready you will simply stop thinking it, and all that will be left in your mind is the love of God.
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