I was looking at Lesson 228 this morning. It says that God has condemned me not. No more do I, or in normal language, God doesn’t condemn me, why should I? ~smile~ In a past journal I was wrestling with a fear thought and Holy Spirit had given me a very helpful message. I told Him how I felt and asked for help. Here is an abbreviation of what was said.
Me: How do I shake this off? If God does not condemn me, why should I? Holy Spirit, please help me to understand this differently. I get it on an intellectual level, but my intellect does not serve me here. It simply masks my doubt with all the right words. My heart still contracts at the thought of my “sin.” Holy Spirit, I know all the right words. I don’t want words and intellectual reasoning. I can’t think of anything more symbolic of the ego than just saying all the right words and trying to change my mind through reason. I want to slough off the ego thought of separation from You. I want to slough off the ego thought of unworthiness and condemnation.
Holy Spirit: My dear friend, Do you feel like someone in a fight with themselves, and if you are fighting your self who do you think will win? Surrender the fight. Surrender the struggle. You are sloughing off the ego identity every day. Every day you feel less like the ego and more like your true Self.
The thought in your mind that wants to be separate and autonomous is in resistance, but it is just a small thought in the vastness of your holy mind. It is nothing to fear, and nothing to fight. Surrender. Surrender to the truth. Remember that you are loved, you are loving, and you are Love. Let the struggle and the fight go out of you and allow the gentle arms of Love to wrap around your holy Self. Relax into the Truth. We surround you with love and support and wait patiently for you to accept all the help you are offered. Will you accept the Love of God now? Do you see how easy this is? Merely stop wrestling with yourself, surrender to Love, and allow us to support you.
Well this is funny, because again this morning I find myself looking at a persistent fear thought. For a couple of days it felt heavy and burdensome, but today I understand that this thought is coming up in different ways so that I can see it and let the light of truth shine it away. At first I completely bought into the ego belief that even having the thought in my mind was a sin, and that it meant I was not saved and evidently never would be. This thought, believed, led to fear which made the lie feel more real and more serious.
I knew that this was not right even though I was feeling it. I stayed with the Holy Spirit on it and kept asking for healing and another way to see it. I began to let it go but it was not immediate. It felt stubborn and as hard to remove as ink on white linen. I kept returning to the thought and felt like I was indeed wrestling with myself. I felt like I had finally won the fight but this morning I noticed that another similar thought on the same subject arose in my mind but this time I remembered that the thought does not define me. It is just a thought. I looked at it and saw that it was not a true thought. End of story.
I could have done that from the first moment I noticed that thought, but I became entangled in the ego belief that having the thought in my mind somehow made me guilty. Now it was not just a thought to examine, but it was a confusion of self-condemnation and guilt added to a wrong minded thought. This is what made it feel like a big deal and difficult to let go. To extract my mind from this I had to relax around the belief and see it as an opportunity to forgive what is in the mind rather than a condemnation of what is in the mind.
This morning there was total clarity. I could not be guilty. The other person could not be guilty. Guilt is just something made up, part of the ego illusion of separation. In the real world there is no guilt at all; it is inconceivable. There is no one to forgive because there is nothing to forgive; not ever. The ego mind keeps throwing out different circumstances to entice me back into the story, but the truth is not to be found in the story.
The story was designed to draw me away from truth. Each time the story returned to mind I looked away from it and back to truth. What shall I believe, the ego or truth? Looking to the story to tell me what I am is the same as asking the ego what I am. The ego story says everyone is guilty of something. The Holy Spirit doesn’t show me how each person can be seen as innocent, He shows me that guilt does not exist so everyone is innocent.
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