I am in danger nowhere in the world.
In order for this lesson to be meaningful to me I must understand where I am. Sometimes I know that I am not really a body on a planet spinning through space. Sometimes I understand that I am the mind which contains these thoughts that I am seeing as if it were real. It is something I understand, but don’t really know. As I practice this understanding by unraveling the ego thinking with the help of the Holy Spirit within my mind, I come closer and closer to knowing it to be true. It seems to be a step by step process for me.
The closer I come to the knowing, the more meaningful this lesson becomes to me. One thing I am doing right now is asking to see the fear within myself. I want to feel the fear and understand that fear does not hurt me. I want to look at the thoughts that cause the fear reaction and allow the Holy Spirit to correct those thoughts. Because I set that intention, I notice these thoughts coming up. Because I don’t want to run from the emotional response I am feeling the fear very strongly. This seems to help me, because before I would bury the thoughts that were causing the fear and I never get rid of them.
I have had some interesting things happen since I made that decision. There was the ferry incident that I talked about in another lesson. There have been fearful reactions within relationships. It doesn’t seem to matter if it seems to be happening in the world, or within my mind, I can still feel the fear, look at the thoughts with the Holy Spirit and ask for healing. One thing I notice is that when I allow myself to really feel my reaction to these fearful thoughts I am surprised at the intensity. Evidently I have spent a lot of time telling myself that I wasn’t really afraid of these things anymore and so didn’t need to look at them. And evidently, that was not true.
My work is nearly all outdoors, often in rural areas, and sometimes I am alone when I do it. Yesterday while I was returning to my car I noticed a large white dog coming toward me. I used to be very afraid of dogs and over time I lost that fear…I thought. Suddenly I became terrified of the dog. Thoughts of being attacked, such as I had read about in the paper, flashed through my mind, and overwhelmed any sensible thoughts I was having at the same time. My fearful thoughts consumed me. I made a dash to the car and barely beat the dog to my front seat. As I quickly closed the door I nearly hit the poor thing and he scurried off probably wondering what got into the crazy lady, or why it was some people just didn’t want to say hi.
I sat there and noticed my reaction. My heart was pounding and my breath was quick. I could feel the adrenaline rushing through my body. I was so surprised by my reaction, and I felt silly as well. When I faced the ferry fear I had been building toward looking at the fear so I was somewhat prepared, but this incident was sudden and unexpected. After it was all over, I asked the Holy Spirit to help me see these fear thoughts differently. Holy Spirit, what am I supposed to do with this, and how am I supposed to see it?
Dear one, could you be willing to forgive yourself for holding that energy of fear? Could you be willing to forgive yourself for looking foolish in front of people? Could you forgive yourself for falling short of your own expectations, and for not living up to what you thought you believed? Could you understand that this energy of fear is just something you are holding in your mind temporarily? It is not who you are.
Do not forget that your part is to look at the fear and to be willing to see differently. You did that. There is nothing more for you to do. Are you really asking me how to not react in that way again? Are you really afraid of the feeling of being so vulnerable? Forgive yourself, and then forgive others for temporarily holding the same energy of fear in their minds.
Holy Spirit, I think you are referring to the other question I had in mind. I have been puzzled about why I am upset with a friend who seems to have a sudden lapse in understanding of a primary Course principle. I seem to be taking it personally, as if it is an affront to me that she would do this. So you are saying that she is dealing with her fear and that my fear is just as illogical as hers?
I am saying to you that it does not make sense to protect the body when you know the body is not real. When you think it is real, you feel compelled to protect it. Our friend is only protecting something she has temporarily forgotten is not real. It makes perfect sense that you are both protecting the unreal if you consider that you don’t know it is unreal. When you see her do it, you feel uneasy because a part of you recognizes that you are doing the same thing, and not just with a dog. That incident was just a symbol of what is happening in your mind every time you defend an ego thought.
It will be easier to understand if you look at the dog as representing an ego thought. You saw the dog, had a fearful reaction and ran from it. Is this not what you often do with the ego thoughts you encounter in your mind? What if you had stopped within the fenced yard and asked Me to correct your thoughts? The result would have been different just as it often is during your day when you take those steps.
When you simply react, you give power to ego thinking that it does not really have, just as you gave power to the dog it did not have. Your mind turned a friendly dog looking for an affectionate pat on the head into a rabid animal out to tear you limb from limb. Your thoughts are much the same. They are simply thoughts with no particular meaning, and you decide what that meaning is depending on which teacher you are listening to. When you experience a fearful reaction in the world or within your own mind, stop for a moment and ask for my interpretation.
Then when your friend is experiencing resistance you will not project your own fear onto her because you have forgiven it. You will then be able to feel compassion rather than judgment. Never forget that you cannot see anything that is apparently without unless you have first seen it within. The place to work is never at the level of effect, but always at the level of cause. Look with Me at what needs healing within your mind. That is always the answer.
Thank you, Holy Spirit for untangling these thoughts for me. Sometimes I get caught up in the ego thinking and have trouble stepping back from it and seeing clearly. It really is quite simple and it is always the same answer, just different form.
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