What I really understand now is that I can neither learn nor teach anything of any real importance. Here is how this finally dawned on me:
I had suddenly understood something important that had, up to then, eluded me. I was so excited and couldn?t wait to tell other Course friends. When the person I first told about it obviously didn?t understand what I was saying, I thought it was because I had not found the right words. I tried again. Again, she understood, but not in the way I meant; not at the same level. I started to try again when finally I heard my Inner Guidance chuckling at my silliness. What she heard and would continue to hear, in spite of my clear explanation, was what fit with her own concepts.
The truth is not something I learn. It is something I remember. If I can?t learn it, I can?t teach it. I wondered for a moment how I remembered it; what was the trigger? What came to me is that I remember when I remove the blocks to remembering. On my website I have a page on which I describe some of my favorite processes for doing this. No one process is better than another. None of them is the magic formula. They are just useful tools to remove the blocks of Love?s awareness.
Every time I forgive, I remove a block. Every time I remove a block, I remember a little more. Everything I seek is right here in me quietly residing behind the wall of resistance I have built to keep it out of my awareness. I have been chipping away at that wall for a long time. Sometimes when a big chunk comes away, I am frightened by the light that comes through and try to push the block back in place. It is a hopeless job. Once a block is out, it is out. I can only give myself time to adjust to the light and soon I see it as a welcome change.
If I cannot teach others to have what I am gaining, what am I supposed to do? I thought it was my job to save the world? The answer I got is that I save the world by saving myself. The ego part of me doesn?t like this. The answer seems to be saying that I (the little ego I) doesn?t have a very big role to play. I remember enough of the truth to laugh at this and be very glad it is true. The ego-self has done nothing good for me in all of its existence. It is not going to start now.
I think that within the illusion, I can only shine with whatever light I have uncovered in my mind, and allow this light to be seen by whoever is sent my way. I can say things and write things, and maybe some of that will remind someone else of a dimly remembered truth. If so, they may be motivated to dig a little deeper at their own wall of resistance. That is all I can do. The words, though, are meaningless unless I live them. It is not my words, but my life that points the way.
Holy Spirit, be my Guide today, that I might shine brightly, a beacon of Light and Love to all who are looking for it. I offer to You, every wrong minded thought that it might be corrected and another block removed from my wall of resistance. This morning, I am ready to shine!
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