I was thinking about a discussion with a friend about losing weight. This has been a long time challenge for me. It is really one of those issues that I have wrapped up so tightly with ego thoughts that I have only been able to work my way out of it a little at a time. First I had to understand that food is not the cause of weight gain though it is the vehicle I use in the illusion to create the illusion of a heavy body. That seems pretty simple and obvious but it took me years to get there. I truly didn’t want to know I was responsible for this. I wanted it to be my mother’s fault, the result of a fat gene, or any of dozens of other excuses. I was even willing to, finally, be responsible if responsibility looked like guilt, but I just didn’t want to know that if I was overweight then I wanted to be overweight.
But of course, that is where I finally had to go, because that is where I can accept correction and begin to heal. What I understand now is that being overweight or underweight or any shape and size of body projection is not a problem. It needs no solution. Being a certain size and thinking I should be a different size, and believing I would be happy if my size changed is the problem that needs a solution. This belief that I am somehow victim to my body is the problem that needs a solution. It goes without saying that the solution is not a diet or exercise program or any application of self will. These solutions keep the solution separate from the problem.
This is not to say that I should not exercise or eat a certain way. It is to say that any solution that comes from ego is an attempt by ego to maintain control, that is to be god. What I am doing right now, and this is to the best of my present understanding, is to be honest. When I say I want to lose weight and then have an éclair I have just lied to myself. Obviously, using the rules I set for myself if I eat an éclair I have no intention of losing weight. Can I change the rules I set for myself? Maybe, but first I think I need to work on honesty. I need to stop using the present rules to create victimhood and failure. So when I eat the éclair I notice what I have done and how it makes me feel. I hand-off the guilty thoughts and the fear thoughts to the Holy Spirit and consider my job done. Oh, here is a self judgment thought. I hand that one over, too.
I look in the mirror and see too much of me. I notice those thoughts I am thinking without God and hand them off to the Holy Spirit. I can’t fit into my favorite jeans and feel self-loathing; I hand that feeling off to the Holy Spirit. I am faced with a buffet of delicious food and notice I am not asking Holy Spirit to help me choose what the body could most use. I notice guilt and hand that off to the Holy Spirit. I watch closely for self judgment all the time and hand it off when I see it.
Will all of this help me lose weight? I don’t know, but it is my job, my purpose for being here. It will bring me peace and happiness. We’ll see about the weight. I don’t think it would even matter. Why do I want to lose weight? My reason for being thinner is so that I will feel accepted, loved, and admired because I think that will make me happy. Maybe I will just hand off those goals and allow the Holy Spirit to purify them and then I can skip the whole diet thing and go straight to being happy.
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