10. HOW IS JUDGMENT RELINQUISHED? P 5
5 Therefore lay judgment down, not with regret but with a sigh of gratitude. Now, are you free of a burden so great that you could merely stagger and fall down beneath it. And it was all illusion. Nothing more. Now can the teacher of God rise up unburdened, and walk lightly on. Yet it is not only this that is his benefit. His sense of care is gone, for he has none. He has given it away, along with judgment. He gave himself to Him Whose judgment he has chosen now to trust, instead of his own. Now he makes no mistakes. His Guide is sure. And where he came to judge, he comes to bless. Where now he laughs, he used to come to weep.
Journal
I really am convinced that I want to release judgment to the Holy Spirit. I understand that I am either receiving guidance from the Holy Spirit or the ego and I don’t value the ego’s opinion anymore. And still, I find myself judging with the ego sometimes. I don’t understand this in myself. I mean, why would I do that?
All I have to do is to ignore the ego mind and turn to the Holy Spirit, asking Him to decide for me what everything means. Then I would be free of all error, free to enjoy my life and free to awaken from the dream. Is it just a habit, or perhaps it is a lack of awareness. We make decisions continuously so it does take some vigilance to be sure I am making them with the Holy Spirit, not with the ego.
I went shopping for a new bedspread last week. It was not pleasant. I went to several stores and I had a hard time deciding. I finally settled on one that I wasn’t sure about. After bringing it home and putting on my bed, I didn’t really like it, but I felt depleted from trying to figure out which to buy and from all the running around.
Yesterday, I talked to the Holy Spirit about it. I asked Him for help in shopping so that I didn’t have to waste a lot of time on it. I had a picture in my mind about what it should look like. I went back to the same store I got the first quilt from and looked for only a few minutes when I found exactly the one I wanted. I brought it home and put it on my bed and it looks great. It is so much better if I ask Him to decide for me, even in the little things.
On the other hand, as I was asking Holy Spirit to help me find the right quilt, I had the thought to bring the one I had previously bought with me. Then I could return it at the same time I got another one, but I made the mistake of thinking about it. The ego mind couldn’t decide if that was a good idea. Maybe I wouldn’t find another one and would have to make do. It was a lot of trouble folding that heavy quilt up and … Well, I don’t even know why I didn’t bring it just in case.
Ego is not all that helpful. Now I have to make another trip. But you see what I mean about not always asking for help or not listening when I do. Could it be that there is just some bit of desire for self-determination left in my mind, some belief that deciding on my own is a really valuable thing and I don’t want to give it up? Maybe the thought is that I made Myron and I want her to be a success. God, save me from such foolish ideas.
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