2 Healing will always stand aside when it would be seen as threat. The instant it is welcome it is there. Where healing has been given it will be received. And what is time before the gifts of God? We have referred many times in the text to the storehouse of treasures laid up equally for the giver and the receiver of God’s gifts. Not one is lost, for they can but increase. No teacher of God should feel disappointed if he has offered healing and it does not appear to have been received. It is not up to him to judge when his gift should be accepted. Let him be certain it has been received, and trust that it will be accepted when it is recognized as a blessing and not a curse.
The ego will always judge, but I don’t have to believe its judgments. It judges by appearances and I am learning to distrust appearances. I accept that my part in healing is to know the truth for my brother, and how it is received, or when it is received is not my business. I trust that truth is never lost and only increases. Would I want someone to accept healing if it means it will increase his fear? Are we not fearful enough as it is?
There is so much that we cannot understand from where we see ourselves right now. Fortunately, the truth does not need our understanding. The ego wants to know. It wants to understand. It wants proof, and it wants that proof to meet its expectations. I am not the ego. I choose to let the ego be. “I hear you, ego. I just don’t believe you.”
The Voice I believe is the one that speaks for God. It speaks softly and reassuringly of certainty, of gifts that increase with the giving, of healing that cannot fail. I don’t need to understand this for it to be true. So, I do my part; I give my willingness to see past appearances and to know the truth of my brothers and sisters, and of myself.
A few years ago, I was preparing for a Study with the Scribe Workshop, trying to get all my customers taken care of so they wouldn’t need me in the week I was gone. It required even more driving than I normally do, and I started experiencing spasms of pain that seemed to be associated with my bladder. Being in a sitting position and driving were very painful. I was gritting my teeth and forging ahead because this stuff had to be done.
When the pain got worse, I thought about how hard it would be to sit in the cramped seats of the plane. And then I thought of sitting for hours as I attended the workshop. I knew it would be hard to pay attention through the pain. I told Holy Spirit that I didn’t know what to do about this and asked for His help.
The pain disappeared. Just like that! It was gone! I stood there in my room absolutely astonished at the suddenness of the relief. I wondered what this meant, but never one to look a gift horse in the mouth I just accepted the healing in gratitude. I did not have another spasm of pain until the plane taking me home touched down on the tarmac. And then the spasms began again.
At first, I was very disappointed, and I felt confused. I was grateful that my prayer was answered. I had been pain free the entire trip from beginning to end just as I had asked. But I thought this meant I was healed and now it seems I was wrong. I felt let down. What did this mean?
I went to the doctor and found out the cause of all the pain. I got some medicine that solved not only that problem but another one as well. I also asked Holy Spirit to help me understand healing, and He brought me to this study. I didn’t understand why I accepted only a part of the healing, but I was certain this healing awaited me and it did.
At the time, it was not lost on me that I asked for a partial healing. I told Holy Spirit that I would be willing not to be in pain during the workshop. I didn’t say that I would be willing to accept a complete healing. I didn’t notice this when it happened, but only in retrospect. As we are studying this section I wonder about fear of healing.
I didn’t think I had fear of healing, but since that is what came up, I began asking that my mind be healed of that fear. I wondered if it is really a fear of not being healed. If I were not healed when I asked, would that mean that I am not worthy? Would it mean that God really is mad at me and wants to see me suffer? This is what Regina calls the fear that the truth is not true. Perhaps I thought that pain is better than finding out I am not worthy.
This was a good experience because it gave me the opportunity to do more study of sickness and healing and to practice. At that time these were fairly new ideas to me. Now, I am going deeper with this practice but with more confidence and without the uncertainty and doubt I had at that time. When I am unable to deny the reality of sickness and just walk away from it, I ask the Holy Spirit to show me what I am missing, what it is that I need to learn now. It is very exciting.
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