2 Whenever a teacher of God has tried to be a channel for healing he has succeeded. Should he be tempted to doubt this, he should not repeat his previous effort. That was already maximal, because the Holy Spirit so accepted it and so used it. Now the teacher of God has only one course to follow. He must use his reason to tell himself that he has given the problem to One Who cannot fail, and must recognize that his own uncertainty is not love but fear, and therefore hate. His position has thus become untenable, for he is offering hate to one to whom he offered love. This is impossible. Having offered love, only love can be received.
Here is a an entry from an earlier journal on the Manual for Teachers. I am leaving it because it is an excellent example of what Jesus is teaching here. It is also a good example of how I learned what it means to be a healer.
Jesus reiterates that an offer of healing is complete. If I doubt it has worked, there is no reason to repeat the healing, but rather, it is reason to return to my own healing. Doubt has arisen because I forgot Who it is that does the healing. I have forgotten that I am only the channel, through which healing occurs.
Still, it seems harsh to say that I am now offering hate rate than love, but if I think about it, I can see how this is true. If I think I have failed, this throws me into fear, and fear is hate. I have a friend with a chronic illness and I have prayed for his healing. There is little obvious sign that healing is taking place if I look at his body. When I begin to doubt that I did anything at all, I feel guilty as if it is my fault and I feel that if I were more worthy, the healing would occur.
In this frame of mind, I notice more ego thoughts creeping in. I have thoughts that it is really his fault. He is stubborn and doesn’t want to accept the healing. It’s his fault he got this way. If he had a better life style, he would never have gotten sick. If he were more worthy, had been on a spiritual path, or would get on one, he would do better.
I feel ashamed of these thoughts and recognize them for the attack that they are. I see that I feel like I must attack this good friend of mine, because I must defend myself against the guilt I feel when I look at him. I began with the loving thought that I know he is not his story, and I know that he is perfect because of who he is. I know that he is healed because that is God’s Will. Then when I did not see the proof of healing I expected, that love became hate. It is the ego way.
Sometimes the patient needs time to accept the healing so as not to create more fear in his mind. Perhaps there are still lessons he is learning from this situation. I cannot know what is best for this person. Holy Spirit please heal my mind of these false thoughts. My brother does not need my hate, and neither do I. I am happy to disregard appearances and place my full trust in You.
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