A. Development of Trust, P 5
M-4.1.A.5 The third stage through which the teacher of God must go can be called “a period of relinquishment.” If this is interpreted as giving up the desirable, it will engender enormous conflict. Few teachers of God escape this distress entirely. There is, however, no point in sorting out the valuable from the valueless unless the next obvious step is taken. Therefore, the period of overlap is apt to be one in which the teacher of God feels called upon to sacrifice his own best interests on behalf of truth. He has not realized as yet how wholly impossible such a demand would be. He can learn this only as he actually does give up the valueless. Through this, he learns that where he anticipated grief, he finds a happy light-heartedness instead; where he thought something was asked of him, he finds a gift bestowed on him.
Studying A Course in Miracles I have come to appreciate how Peter felt when Jesus called him to get out of the boat and walk on the water toward him. And like Peter, I have often stepped out onto the water only to become overcome by fear and to sink back into the ego, doubt and uncertainty seeming to pull me under.
But what I did was to recognize my mistake in choosing the ego as my advisor and my interpreter. I would then choose again, though reporting this makes it seem simple and easy. It may have been simple but it was hardly easy. Giving up the idea that I was making my own choices outside either ego or Holy Spirit was hard. At first, it felt dangerous to consciously submit even to the Holy Spirit. What did He know about my happiness and about what was important to me?
Eventually, though, as my willingness grew from repeated practices, I began to surrender willingly, recognizing that, after all, Jesus was right. Everything is in my best interests. More and more frequently, I let go of trying to direct my life. Eventually, I came to understand that this charade I call my life was just a way to closely observe the effects of the beliefs I held, and that relinquishing a belief that brought me suffering was not a sacrifice at all.
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