A. Development of Trust, P 7
7 The next stage is indeed “a period of unsettling.” Now must the teacher of God understand that he did not really know what was valuable and what was valueless. All that he really learned so far was that he did not want the valueless, and that he did want the valuable. Yet his own sorting out was meaningless in teaching him the difference. The idea of sacrifice, so central to his own thought system, had made it impossible for him to judge. He thought he learned willingness, but now he sees that he does not know what the willingness is for. And now he must attain a state that may remain impossible to reach for a long, long time. He must learn to lay all judgment aside, and ask only what he really wants in every circumstance. Were not each step in this direction so heavily reinforced, it would be hard indeed!
My problem when I was at this step was that I thought I could do this on my own. Later, I came to realize that there is no me alone; there is me with the Holy Spirit and me with the ego. When I think I am doing something on my own, I am actually using the split mind to do my thinking. I have learned to use the holy mind instead.
Another problem I had was that I wanted to decide what was valuable and what was valueless. I wanted to decide what I would keep and what I would release. This, of course, brought the ego into the process and derailed it. I learned that I want the Holy Spirit to decide for me because I have no other way of making good decisions. I no longer say, “Here is an idea, please help me decide if I want to keep it.” I say instead, “Here is an idea. Is it helpful? If not, please remove it.”
I have learned that I don’t even know what anything is for and so how could I make good judgments? I am lost in my mind, dreaming of a world that could never exist. Christopher Nolan’s film Inception features a classic optical illusion called the Penrose staircase, which folds back upon itself in space. You can walk it forever and never get anyplace but on the staircase. This is a perfect metaphor for our life here. Until we choose to allow ourselves to be led out of illusion, we are just walking the Penrose staircase.
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