II. Honesty, P 2
2 The peace of mind which the advanced teachers of God experience is largely due to their perfect honesty. It is only the wish to deceive that makes for war. No one at one with himself can even conceive of conflict. Conflict is the inevitable result of self-deception, and self-deception is dishonesty. There is no challenge to a teacher of God. Challenge implies doubt, and the trust on which God’s teachers rest secure makes doubt impossible. Therefore they can only succeed. In this, as in all things, they are honest. They can only succeed, because they never do their will alone. They choose for all mankind; for all the world and all things in it; for the unchanging and unchangeable beyond appearances; and for the Son of God and his Creator. How could they not succeed? They choose in perfect honesty, sure of their choice as of themselves.
What jumped out at me is the sentence that said;
No one at one with himself can even conceive of conflict.
The reason this caught my attention is that it perfectly describes our state in this illusion. Not only is everything we see in a state of separation, we see ourselves in a state of separation. The ego personification of Myron is just a gathering of disparate pieces brought together to appear as one. But what is different cannot be one.
As an example of what this means, I thought of all the ways I used to describe the personality Myron.
She was honest.
She was dishonest.
She was sad.
She was happy.
She was kind.
She was cruel.
She was forgiving.
She would hold onto grievances.
Everything in that short list was true and everything in it conflicts with something else. And each of those has a host of beliefs behind them, each bolstered with their own stories to make them seem more real. Now, most of this has resolved itself, though occasionally some conflicting belief still shows up temporarily.
For instance, I might notice I feel sad and so my mind starts scrambling for a story to explain the sadness. When that happens now, I ask the Holy Spirit what this is for and what He wants me to know about it. Sometimes there is nothing to look at, just the ego trying to interest me in a bit of drama, in which case, I choose peace and everything goes back to being fine. But it wasn’t always like that.
In the past, it might have gone like this. I would suddenly realize my son hadn’t called me in two weeks. I believed he needed to call me regularly and I would feel unloved when he didn’t. I would think of reasons he didn’t call me and eventually get to the one where I was not a good mother and now I think I am worthless.
If I felt bad enough the mind would start scrambling to find someplace else to put the blame and I would get a good story going about what a sorry son he is to ignore me after all I’ve done for him. It’s funny if looked at with openness, but not so funny if believed. Conflict is painful. It is suffering.
The solution was to disown all that is not truly Me. As I laid aside the beliefs that make the many facets of my little self, what is left is Self and without all the incongruent aspects within my mind I am at peace, and this is the honesty Jesus is talking about.
As I laid aside all that is not love knowing it cannot be me, then what is left is only love. From within this state when my son calls me, I love it. When he doesn’t call me, I love it. There is nothing but love because that is what I am and all I am, so there is nothing to experience but love. That is honesty.
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