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Yesterday was a beautiful day. I was enjoying the perfect weather as I drove along the highway to see my next customer. I had been sharing texts with my daughters about what was going on in our lives and was thinking how much I wished I could enjoy this beautiful weather with them in person. We could hang out in the sun and talk. If only we didn’t have to work.
Suddenly I realized that my mood had plummeted. I started to try to push the mood aside and get back to feeling good but then let myself explore it first. I was surprised that when I allowed the mood rather than trying to push it down that it was so strong. I felt like crying. I had a tightness in my chest and my stomach clenched.
I used The Work by Byron Katie to get some clarity on this because I was having trouble seeing it differently. I asked the four questions and did the turnaround. It looked like this.
I think I should not have to work.
Is that true?
It feels like it is true. But maybe not.
Can you absolutely know it is true?
No.
How do you feel when you believe that you should not work and you are working?
I feel sad enough to cry. I have a lump in my throat and a weight on my chest. My stomach clenches. I feel unhappy.
How do you feel when you are working and you don’t believe that thought?
I feel happy and satisfied with the day. My mind is open to possibilities.
Turn it around and give three valid reasons why it is true.
I should have to work.
1. I want to earn a living.
2. I like making money.
3. I enjoy my customers and often enjoy my job. It is not often boring.
Then I did the same thing with the statement, “I would be happy if only I didn’t have to work. As I got more clarity and more detachment from these thoughts and my feelings I asked Holy Spirit to help me look at this differently. The question that came into my mind was, “What is your purpose? What is your goal?”
Is it my goal to win the lottery and quit work? Is it my goal to spend time with my girls? Is it my goal to have more free time? Is it my goal to write, to teach, to preach?
As I considered these goals, which I obviously have, I remembered that I have a goal, a purpose and that is to wake up. It is my purpose to do my part to help awaken the Sonship. In order for it to be effective it must be a single undivided goal; my only goal. I cannot awaken with one foot in the world. It is all of these small goals (which may seem inconsequential) that are distracting me and taking the place of my true purpose.
All of those petty goals pale in the light of my true purpose. As I realized this I felt the weight lift from my chest. I could breathe again. Then I remembered that I am awakening. In NTI 1 Corinthians, the Holy Spirit assures us that if we are reading this book (and by extension doing these lessons) then I am in the process of awakening. I said it aloud. “I am waking up!”
The words put a smile on my face and opened my heart to joy. All of the other feelings (I could barely bring them to mind by now) faded away completely and I spent the rest of the day happy and at peace.
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