I recently read about a new speaker scheduled for the ACIM Conference in San Francisco next February. Her name is Tammy Holmes and she is a spiritual coach as well as a gifted sensitive. For reasons I didn?t understand, I felt very strongly guided to call Tammy for a reading. So I went to her web page, stayawakeproductions.com, and got her phone number.
She helped me see a lot of things clearly and also shared with me some great info about my kids and future relationships. However, there were two very important things she told me. One of them was about my mom.
Mom is in a nursing home experiencing Alzheimer?s. I have always found it very hard to visit her because she doesn’t remember me, can’t communicate, and seems to be in such a sad confused state. I never visit that I don’t rush out in tears.
Tammy told me she was speaking to Mom and that she wanted to assure me that she is not in that body. Mom says that she is glad not to be in the body because she didn’t think she could stand it. She says that she is working on things and that even though she is not in the body, she enjoys my visits because she can feel my energy. She loves me very much and wishes we had had more time together.
I felt so much better. It was so good to know that Mom was not suffering the indignities inflicted by Alzheimer?s. It was such a relief to know that outside that body she still knows me and loves me. I am glad to know that she is not hanging around out of fear of dieing, but because she still has work to do.
I went by to see her the next day. Without all my projections of fear and guilt placed on her I could see her clearly. I saw that her eyes were glazed over; there simply wasn’t anyone home. I stood there wondering how to best be with her. I no longer felt the need to entertain or distract her with stories she could not relate to anyway. I no longer felt the need to make inane conversation just to nervously fill time before I could feel justified in getting out of there.
I held her hand and told her how much I loved her. I bent over and kissed her. She turned her head and looked me straight in the eye. She said very clearly, “love you.” It was such a dramatic change and my heart was so touched. It took real effort for her to get the words out, and her eyes were so clear and focused on me. Then she mumbled something I could not really understand except for the word gratitude. I told her that I was grateful for her, too, and that she had been a wonderful mom. She smiled at me, then turned her head and went away.
I will never dread visiting my mom again.
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