T 8: VI. 4, 2 This son of a loving father left his home and thought he had squandered everything for nothing of any value, although he had not understood its worthlessness at the time.
Lesson 166. 5, 3-4 But he will not look at what is given him. He wanders on, aware of the futility he sees about him everywhere, perceiving how his little lot but dwindles, as he goes ahead to nowhere.
L 166. 6, 3 Yet is he really tragic, when you see that he is following the way he chose, and need but realize Who walks with him and open up his treasures to be free?
While working on a Pathways of Light course, I was thinking about ways that we hold onto a limited self-identity when we could be free instead. Here is something I wrote two years ago and it was helpful to me.
I am doing more work on my 4th step with my Al-Anon sponsor and the topic is finances. I have been putting it off because I feel hopeless when it comes to finances. I spend money without thinking it through. I do save, but not enough nor consistently. I can’t look at my expenses vs my income and tell you much about it. Investments are beyond my ability to process and make choices.
All of these things have been true for me for all of my life and I take them for granted. But really, they are true for me because I believe they are. These beliefs are part of the way I identify myself. I could say that I am one who is not good with finances. That is a declaration of identity. When I think about letting that go, I feel uneasy. I feel like I am being asked to become something else and I don’t know how to do that.
However, when I think of it, a lot of things have changed around this idea of finances. I used to be afraid all the time about money because I “knew” I was inept with my finances. I was always afraid of not having enough or losing what I had. But as I began to study ACIM and as I learned that the Holy Spirit would remove unwanted beliefs from my mind, I let go of the belief that there is not enough and that I could lose what I have. Those thoughts come back up sometimes, but I have little interest in them and so they flow out of my mind as quickly as they come into it.
I know something now that I didn’t know before. I know that I am Love as is God. I know that Love will take care of all things if that is my choice, so I ask Love to provide what I need and I trust that it is done. Occasionally, I forget and I pick up that load again, but I let it go pretty quickly because why would I want that responsibility back?
I don’t know what is best for me or anyone. I don’t know what might happen in the future and, therefore, how could I prepare for it? Each thing that happens in my life has a purpose if I care to use it that way and I cannot know how to use it to serve that purpose. But Love does know all these things and will arrange everything for me if I just step back. Sure, I will have to give up a layer of self-identity, but look at what I gain! I am quickly losing interest in a personal self and so I don’t need a self-identity.
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