It can be very hard for some of us to let go of the need to fix. I understand this, because it has been a problem for me. What I always ask myself is this; what is my purpose? My salvation, accepting the Atonement for myself is my only purpose. As it happens, doing this for myself, I am doing it for all. I cannot save anyone else. I don’t need to save anyone else. To suggest that someone else needs my efforts on their behalf is to attack them. It is an attack on their invulnerability. If someone thinks they cannot live without me, I understand their pain because being in denial of their Divinity is painful. But I would never think I can restore them to their sanity. To think that someone needs me is to think that I need someone. I don’t want to teach that lie to them or to me.
A special relationship is one in which a trade is made. The two people agree to meet each others needs. When one or the other outgrows their need, or discovers the other person is no longer meeting that need, the relationship usually ends. If one or both of the couple feel that something is missing at that time, they can be sure that it wasn’t a loving relationship, but rather an exchange of needs. I don’t want to teach anyone that they are needy and that I am the one who can supply that need and make them feel whole because that isn’t true. And what I teach them I teach myself.
I always want to do the most loving and helpful thing at all times. This is good as long as I don’t become confused about what is the most helpful thing; what is loving. If I love someone I want them to be strong. I want them to know they are perfect and whole and without needs of any kind. I do not want them to think they are in any way needy. I do not want them to see me as special or different from them. I want all of my special relationships to be transformed by the Holy Spirit into holy relationships. This can be done at any time and under any circumstances. I don’t have to be with the person anymore. They don’t even have to be still in the body for it to happen. In fact healing takes place across all sorts of ego boundaries like time and space.
All that is required of me is to notice the thoughts and beliefs that indicate a special relationship, and to be willing to see it differently. This is the most loving thing I can do for myself, the other person and the Sonship as a whole. More importantly, it is the only loving thing I can do, and everything else is not loving regardless of how I have learned to see it.
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