IX. The Cloud of Guilt, P 2
2 Release from guilt is the ego’s whole undoing. Make no one fearful, for his guilt is yours, and by obeying the ego’s harsh commandments you bring its condemnation on yourself, and you will not escape the punishment it offers those who obey it. The ego rewards fidelity to it with pain, for faith in it is pain. And faith can be rewarded only in terms of the belief in which the faith was placed. Faith makes the power of belief, and where it is invested determines its reward. For faith is always given what is treasured, and what is treasured is returned to you.
Journal
Do I want to undo the ego? Oh yes! Release from guilt is the way to do it, and since I am meant to undo the ego, I can let go of the belief in guilt. This phrase stood out to me: Make no one fearful… It stood out to me because I have had occasion lately to decide if I want to make someone fearful. I was afraid for someone I love and I had the thought to manipulate and control his behavior through fear.
Of course that was only my fear talking, and I caught it right away, thank God. I knew immediately that I did not want to do anything that would increase his fear. It would have been cruel to do that, and it would have increased guilt in him and in me. It is guilt that I am trying to release so projecting onto others is counterproductive, to say the least.
When I have the desire to project guilt or to accept it in myself, I am putting my faith in guilt. I am saying that guilt is my salvation and I believe in it so strongly that I am willing to suffer and willing for others to suffer just so that I can have guilt. Guilt is of the ego and putting my faith in the ego is always going to cause me pain. Pain is what the ego does and what it is.
I used to treasure guilt, but now I am learning to treasure innocence. I have already decided that guilt is not real, but rather something that we made when we made the ego. I have already decided that I want to let go of the belief in guilt and I want to stop using guilt as a tool to control and manipulate. I want to stop using guilt to punish myself and others. I want to stop projecting guilt in a fruitless effort to make myself feel better and appear innocent through comparison. Now I am spending my time mastering this new choice. And it is taking some time, but getting easier as I practice.
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