IX. The Cloud of Guilt, P 7
7 Guilt makes you blind, for while you see one spot of guilt within you, you will not see the light. And by projecting it the world seems dark, and shrouded in your guilt. You throw a dark veil over it, and cannot see it because you cannot look within. You are afraid of what you would see there, but it is not there. The thing you fear is gone. If you would look within you would see only the Atonement, shining in quiet and in peace upon the altar to your Father.
Journal
“Guilt makes you blind, for while you see one spot of guilt within you, you will not see the light.”
I don’t know how to feel about this. I have let go of guilt in a big way, letting go of a lot of guilty thoughts and ideas, letting go of the belief that guilt is real, knowing that when I do see guilt that I can let it go and knowing I want to let it go. And yet, I still am not completely free of guilt. I let it go much more easily than ever before, but it still pops up and I still have to go through a process even though it is a shorter process. I know that some day I will not see one spot of guilt within me, but when? That seems like a tall order.
I had two times today when I made someone guilty in my mind. I saw myself do it and I changed my mind. The first time someone close to me said something that seemed very unkind and I felt hurt by it. I reminded myself that no one can make me feel anything; only I do that. And yet, I still felt upset and I blamed this person for my upset. I asked for help, and what became clear to me is that the person I was seeing as guilty was only afraid.
Understanding her fear turned it around. I still had to talk to myself a few times during the day until finally I let it all go.
The second time it happened I heard something about a close friend that was upsetting to me. This time I got completely caught up in my own fear and forgot everything I know about letting go. This went on for a short, but really uncomfortable period of time. I saw that I was making guilty and I knew that I had to stop if I wanted peace. I couldn’t seem to make it work, though. Finally, I told Holy Spirit I needed His help with this. I didn’t know what to do.
Immediately, I realized that I was looking at a false image and that was all that was happening. I got this false image from ego when I asked the ego for help in interpreting the situation. I changed my mind and asked for the Holy Spirit’s help instead. There was a phone call and both of us were comforted. The whole idea of guilt seemed silly. Guilt doesn’t have the hold on me it used to but it is still in my mind. I really, really, want it gone.
Am I still afraid of looking within? Afraid of what I will see there? That can be the only reason that I would still project guilt onto others. I am willing to be healed, willing to know the truth that I am innocent and there is nothing within that is frightening. It is strange that I would still be holding onto to the fear of looking within, and that I would still cling to guilt. The only thing I know to do is to do what I did today. When guilt stories come into my awareness, I will let them be undone. If there is something else for me to do, I am willing to do that as well.
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