VII. Attainment of the Real World, P 15
15 Then follow Him in joy, with faith that He will lead you safely through all dangers to your peace of mind this world may set before you. Kneel not before the altars to sacrifice, and seek not what you will surely lose. Content yourself with what you will as surely keep, and be not restless, for you undertake a quiet journey to the peace of God, where He would have you be in quietness.
Journal
I appreciate that Jesus says to follow the Holy Spirit in joy. It is only recently that this has been my experience, and it is not always entirely true for me even now. I went about awakening as if it is the hardest thing I could ever do, and as if it needed my very serious concentration at all times. I often talk about vigilance being key, and I am not wrong about that. But here is how it is changing for me.
I am vigilant for the ego in my mind, and very willing for it to be undone. What I have discovered is that vigilance and willingness does not require serious concentration. I don’t have to exhaust myself doing this. I don’t have to grit my teeth and go about it as if failure were chasing me every step of the way. More and more, I understand and accept that failure is not possible, and God does not want or need my grim determination.
In fact, often lately, I have noticed ridiculous ego thoughts in my mind and laughed at the absurdity. I see that beliefs I thought had been released are still showing up and I just smile at the tenacity of ego mind. I think this means I am no longer afraid of myself. I will return my mind to God, because I already have. I am just awakening to that indisputable fact. I no longer feel a need to struggle. I am no longer frightened of failure.
While I do feel anxious sometimes, and while I do get frustrated with my own stubbornness, it doesn’t last and mostly I don’t have that old sense of urgency I had before. I am earnest in my desire for God, and I am determined to return Home, but the determination is not so somber, nor so severe. The work is more peaceful now, and when I try to let go of an ego belief and it feels obstinate, I still know that I am the Son of God and I cannot be denied. This helps me return to peace, as I remember that there is nothing to fear. I am only becoming aware of what has always been my reality. How could that not be possible?
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