X. Release from Guilt, P 9
9 You who have been unmerciful to yourself do not remember your Father’s Love. And looking without mercy upon your brothers, you do not remember how much you love Him. Yet it is forever true. In shining peace within you is the perfect purity in which you were created. Fear not to look upon the lovely truth in you. Look through the cloud of guilt that dims your vision, and look past darkness to the holy place where you will see the light. The altar to your Father is as pure as He Who raised it to Himself. Nothing can keep from you what Christ would have you see. His Will is like His Father’s, and He offers mercy to every child of God, as He would have you do.
Journal
This step of my awakening is the hardest yet. I am very vigilant for ego in the mind, and with few exceptions am willing to see differently right away, and when not right away, eventually. I have pulled back the veil and peeked at what is behind it. I have felt love for everyone, real love that has no cause and has nothing to do with the ego mind. I have felt joy that has no cause in the world. But as yet, I have not sustained it. I have let the veil fall back into place.
I say it is the hardest yet because I have seen past he veil. I want it back so bad, and yet I trade that lovely visage for some distraction or some drama, some guilty thought. Also, the stories that distract me are the ones that represent my greatest fears and that are the most painful. So even though they are few, they occupy my full attention, and feel impossible to ignore.
Still, I am doing the work, putting them on the altar, asking for another way to see, giving all the willingness I have. I am turning away from the ego thoughts of discouragement and blame. Most importantly, I am forgiving myself for not accepting the Atonement fully at this time. I think what is helping is that the moment I returned to thoughts of guilt was in the past, even if it were only a second ago, it was in the past and the past does not exist.
Every present moment is filled with potential for success. That is encouraging, and I have actually learned to enjoy the practice of recalling myself to the eternal present. Without the past where is guilt now? Without focus on the past, the ego will cease to exist because I will not carry it into the future. The ego has so many objections to my hopefulness, but as I give each one to the Holy Spirit for re-interpretation, I see how hollow are the ego’s beliefs. This morning I choose to believe the promises that Jesus makes. In this moment I choose to believe that nothing can keep from me what Christ would have me see.
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