XI. The Peace of Heaven, P 9
9 You will learn salvation because you will learn how to save. It will not be possible to exempt yourself from what the Holy Spirit wants to teach you. Salvation is as sure as God. His certainty suffices. Learn that even the darkest nightmare that disturbs the mind of God’s sleeping Son holds no power over him. He will learn the lesson of awaking. God watches over him and light surrounds him.
Journal
Another wonderfully encouraging and comforting paragraph from Jesus. Our salvation is assured; it is inevitable. Nothing can prevent it. The question I ask myself is, how long do I want to hold out against salvation? What do I think I am holding onto that is worth this effort? Recently, I was given a visual that is helping me to see differently.
I have this picture in my mind. I really wish I could draw or paint so that I could put it on canvas or at least on a piece of paper. But no matter how clear the picture in my mind, the one my hand draws looks more like a stick figure. ~smile~ I see this vast light which represents for me the Christ Mind, or Awareness. It is what I am. And from this brilliant, indescribably beautiful light there is a single point of awareness extending outward.
That point of awareness is I, experiencing myself as Myron. It is extending out, but in no way unconnected to the Christ Mind. From that extension, that singular point of awareness, I experience Myron and her story, but at the same time, I know myself as Christ. But here is what happens. As I watch my projection of the Life of Myron, I get so engrossed in it that I forget that I am just watching. I become, in my experience of it, Myron.
Evidently, I am tired of the show and ready to wake up because… well, here I am studying A Course in Miracles, and remembering that I am not Myron. So now I am aware that I am watching the show, but still falling into the show and forgetting. My practice right now is that when I start to tumble into it and feel myself losing touch with reality again, I envision myself looking over my shoulder, and seeing that I am still one with All That Is. I see that I cannot be Myron, because I am simply extending from the Christ Mind, not disconnected from it.
Then I close my eyes a moment to shut out the show, and I open my heart to feel the love that flows from and through the Christ. It feels warm and safe and I feel supported, so that when I open my eyes I can remain more the observer than the participant. This has been truly helpful. For instance, last night my daughter called me with disturbing news. Her father is unable to take care of himself now and wants to come live with her and her husband.
My daughter is very distressed by this and feels trapped with no options.
Her dad is mentally disturbed. Their house is very small; her marriage very new. I can feel her misery and hopelessness. I feel myself falling headlong into the story. What happens when I fall into the story is I start to believe in it. I start looking for solutions in the story. If only I could find a way for her dad to be on his own, a cheap place for him to live nearby but not in my daughter’s home, then all would be better.
I don’t know if this could work. How could he pay for it? Could they take on that expense? I know I can’t. I start to feel panicky. What if she thinks I should take him in? After all, it’s my fault that he is her father. I cannot abide the thought. I feel guilty for my refusal, though no one has suggested this, I still feel guilty because I know I would refuse. I feel guilty that I cannot accept him. What if I need to do this to heal the relationship? What if my very salvation depends on this?
My mind is spinning with guilt and fear and confusion. I feel resentment and hatred for her father. I feel resentment and rage over the situation. This is what happens when we forget that we are the writers of the script and the director and the audience. So what I did was stop the chatter. I realized that right now in the only moment there is, nothing is happening. I remember that this is a story that I did not write alone. We are all in it together and I am responsible for only my part of it. I realize that the only thing that is happening in this moment is that I asked the ego what it all means and I got an ego answer.
I ask for another way to see and I am told to look over my shoulder. I see, with great relief, that I am still what I have always been. I am still part of the Christ Mind, extending itself to this point of awareness. I look to my right and I see the point of awareness that I know in my story as my sweet daughter, and we smile at each other. I look to my left and I see the point of awareness that in the story is her father, and we smile at each other. It is my self looking at my self and I feel the love of Christ enfolding me and I know I am safe, and with me my daughter and her father as well.
There is still a situation to be dealt with in this story we are experiencing together, but now I am clear that the solution does not come from Myron, but from the Holy Spirit Who speaks for God in my mind. I ask Him for His interpretation of the story and for His guidance. I absolutely trust in the answer, that it will come as needed and that it will be for the good of all. The peace of God is all I want and right now I have it. I trust I will continue to seek only that.
God watches over us and light surrounds us.
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