III. The Decision for Guiltlessness, P 11
11 It will never happen that you must make decisions for yourself. You are not bereft of help, and Help that knows the answer. Would you be content with little, which is all that you alone can offer yourself, when He Who gives you everything will simply offer it to you? He will never ask what you have done to make you worthy of the gift of God. Ask it not therefore of yourself. Instead, accept His answer, for He knows that you are worthy of everything God wills for you. Do not try to escape the gift of God He so freely and so gladly offers you. He offers you but what God gave Him for you. You need not decide whether or not you are deserving of it. God knows you are.
Journal
There was a time when I thought there were some decisions I should make on my own, like I was being lazy if I asked for help with every little decision. I would turn to God when I was backed into a corner; otherwise I did it on my own. There was a time, actually until fairly recently, when I thought that I could make decisions on my own, as if I could make them with God or with ego or just by myself. Now that seems ridiculous. Did I think there was a “me” separate from both ego and God?
I hope never to ask the ego for help in making decisions again. I have real Help. I have God’s Holy Spirit in my mind and I have complete access to that Divine Help. Why on earth would I not take it? Why would I ask the ego mind what to do next? When has it ever been in my best interest to consult with ego? When I use the ego mind to do my thinking it can only be because I still value the idea of an identity separate from God.
I am certain that is not a good idea, and yet, here I am in a body, behaving like a body is what I am rather than an image I am using to represent a separation idea. How do I know that I am identifying with this body image as if it was really who I am? I worry about the world. I know I am not supposed to so I don’t let myself dwell on it, but when I hear something disturbing I feel my stomach clench. Then I push it away. When I am firmly anchored in the truth, I pull it back up and look at it with Holy Spirit, and release it to Him. Otherwise I just let it go back into the dark until the next time.
Another way I see I am attacked to my separate identity is when I hear that someone I know is sick and I have that automatic response of wanting to stay away for awhile so I don’t catch it. I feel guilty for not wanting to be a help, and guilty for believing in “catching” sickness when I have learned that sickness is in my mind and then projected onto the body, so I don’t catch it, I decide on it. Oops, I must have joined with ego in that decision. Again, I will probably use this opportunity to let go of more belief that there is value in that separation idea, but maybe not. Maybe I will try to push it down out of sight, and if I do, like a balloon it will push its way back up and I will have to deal with it again.
There are other ways I identify with the illusion and it is never an accident. I identify with what I want. But I am not guilty for that, and each time I notice I am doing it, I have another chance to loosen that idea so that I will one day (soon?) be through with it. Today I will make no decisions on my own, that is, with ego. Today, Holy Spirit, I want your help in all decisions. Today I want no truck with ego at all. When ego tries to slip an idea past me, this is what I will remember: God is the Mind in which I think. The next time I feel hopelessly entangled with ego, I will remember that God is the strength in which I trust.
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