III. The Decision for Guiltlessness, P 9
9 Whenever you choose to make decisions for yourself you are thinking destructively, and the decision will be wrong. It will hurt you because of the concept of decision that led to it. It is not true that you can make decisions by yourself or for yourself alone. No thought of God’s Son can be separate or isolated in its effects. Every decision is made for the whole Sonship, directed in and out, and influencing a constellation larger than anything you ever dreamed of.
Journal
The reason we should not try to make decisions for ourselves alone is because the concept of alone is erroneous. We never decide for ourselves alone. Every decision is made for the whole Sonship. Every decision any of us makes influences all of us. This morning I made a decision that I know was guided by One Who understands this and Who knows the decision that will influence the Son toward awakening.
I was trying to do this morning’s lesson and could not focus even for a few moments. The lesson says Love created me like Itself. I tried a couple of the suggestions. I said that Love created me safe, but it felt like empty words in my mouth. I don’t feel safe. I thought of some things that feel dangerous to me. I sat with this for awhile and asked Holy Spirit to help me.
I thought of my feelings the last couple of days and I let the Holy Spirit lead me through my thoughts and feelings to get to the core of the problem. I saw that I didn’t trust the truth to be true. As soon as I realized this I felt better. That is an old story the ego drags out when I am getting too close to the truth. I asked the Holy Spirit to heal my mind of that belief.
The Holy Spirit took me further into my thoughts and I realized that the reason I have been feeling unsafe is that I have been very focused on the stories in my life. With that kind of focus it becomes harder to disregard what the body’s eyes show me and to disregard the feelings that are triggered by these sights.
Then I was led to an insight that helped me. I realized that I have become almost obsessive about checking news updates on my phone. There is a phone app that allows me to do this easily and I started using it. With all the political upheaval we are experiencing right now, I was falling into the habit of looking at it every time I was not actively doing something else.
Then I noticed last night I was reading a news update while I was actually watching a show on TV. That is way too much ego input! I use the Lessons and what I read in the Text in the mornings as a way to keep my mind focused on the truth, but now I was using the news for the opposite purpose. It was the ego mind’s way of keeping me focused on the illusion.
I thought about how I was going to have to be hyper-vigilant for awhile as I broke myself of this habit. I knew it would be hard because the ego mind really believes it needs to know these things about its stories. It thinks it needs these “facts” so that it can make decisions for itself, decisions for Myron.
The Holy Spirit answered my concern right away. It said to delete the app from my phone. I could feel the ego trying to object to that but I had asked for help, so I accepted that help and immediately deleted the app. Keeping close tabs on the news was a decision I made for Myron, and as Jesus says, a decision made for me alone is flawed before it is even conceptualized, and will be wrong for that reason.
How could I, on my own, know what is the best thing for the whole Sonship? How could I know how it will affect even me, much less everyone else? There is another reason this does not work. I never really make decisions on my own. The decision to give so much attention to the world was made with ego. The decision to make a clean break from that was made with the Holy Spirit.
That is the only way decisions are made, that is, in union, and the only choices I have are these two. I decide with ego or I decide with Holy Spirit. And whichever I choose is going to influence the whole Sonship. This is a huge responsibility, and I take it as seriously as I should. Thank you, Holy Spirit, for your help this morning.
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