V. The Circle of Atonement, P 1
1 The only part of your mind that has reality is the part that links you still with God. Would you have all of it transformed into a radiant message of God’s Love, to share with all the lonely ones who have denied Him? God makes this possible. Would you deny His yearning to be known? You yearn for Him, as He for you. This is forever changeless. Accept, then, the immutable. Leave the world of death behind, and return quietly to Heaven. There is nothing of value here, and everything of value there. Listen to the Holy Spirit, and to God through Him. He speaks of you to you. There is no guilt in you, for God is blessed in His Son as the Son is blessed in Him.
Journal
I want very much to have my mind transformed into a radiant message of God’s Love. I want to share this with everyone. I do yearn for God and I am overwhelmed with joy at the thought that He yearns for me. Perhaps it is the nature of God to desire unbroken communication with Its creations.
I know it is possible, even certain, I will be transformed. I know it somewhere in me, like a spark of light that refuses to be snuffed out. That certainty is why I keep working toward this, working to undo the blocks to the awareness of Love’s presence in my mind. I want to live in awareness of that Love. The only thing standing in my way is the value I still place in the world.
An interesting thing I have discovered is that if I let go of the need for something, I then can enjoy it fully without guilt or fear of loss. That was an amazing discovery because I had previously believed that I had to sacrifice the things I liked here if I wanted to be saved. As it turns out, this is not so. I either don’t miss them when I let them go, or I still have them but without the neediness.
I am right now deciding to release the value I have placed on my children being what I think they need to be for me. The closer I get to a full release the more I enjoy them and the less fear and guilt there is in our relationships. This is still a work in progress, but already it is making a huge difference in my life.
Sometimes it is a seemingly small thing, like a favorite distraction. I seem to place a lot of value on my end of the day entertainment. I watch two or three episodes of some show on Netflix. There is nothing wrong with that, but I noticed reluctance at the thought of asking Holy Spirit to decide for me if my time could be better spent. This means I value that entertainment. Would I stay in the illusion just so that I could discover how the town of Jericho deals with their challenges? Evidently.
So what do I do about these areas of my life that I have afforded value where there is none, and yet I resist releasing them? Here is what I have learned about this. I cannot force myself not to want something. Also, it doesn’t help to change my behavior if I have not changed my mind. That just creates conflict and that is not helpful. And guilt makes it worse.
What seems to work for me is to forgive myself for my stubbornness and simply keep asking the Holy Spirit to help me see differently. I’m not trying to talk the Holy Spirit into doing His job. He never fails to answer me. But He cannot force a change onto me. I have to truly want it. And this is why I keep returning to my desire for Awakening. No, I am not convincing Holy Spirit, I am convincing myself.
It feels like I am slowly moving more deeply into surrender. I will spend some days in surrender to the Holy Spirit, asking Him what He would have me do and say, and where He would have me go. I will ask Him to decide for me what to do, how I feel, what I want. I am practicing giving up my self-identity so that I can know my Identity. Then I will inwardly rebel and before you know it I feel that stress entering my day, and I realize that I am trying, once again, to decide on my own.
But I keep going back to surrender. I keep returning my awareness to my holy mind. I start asking again that the Holy Spirit decide for me by deciding for God, and that He do this in every instant of the day and of the night as I sleep. The ego mind is very stubborn about wanting to decide for me, but I am very certain that I want to Awaken.
I want to remember who I am. It’s helping a lot that I don’t go into guilt when I notice that I am listening to ego again. All this work to release the belief in guilt is starting to pay off. That is not complete yet, but it is definitely shifting. I am vigilant for the guilt thoughts and quick to remember that guilt is just ego and thus not real. Mostly, I resolve the situation pretty quickly.
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