XI. The Test of Truth, P 13
13 Only those who recognize they cannot know unless the effects of understanding are with them, can really learn at all. For this it must be peace they want, and nothing else. Whenever you think you know, peace will depart from you, because you have abandoned the Teacher of peace. Whenever you fully realize that you know not, peace will return, for you will have invited Him to do so by abandoning the ego on behalf of Him. Call not upon the ego for anything; it is only this that you need do. The Holy Spirit will, of Himself, fill every mind that so makes room for Him.
Journal
This morning I experienced the effects of believing I know and the effects of not knowing all in the same meditation. This was helpful because it helped me to understand what Jesus is telling us here. Here is how it came about. I made a suggestion to someone and later began to doubt my helpfulness. I remembered having this little nudge to silence and ignoring it.
That was the moment that I listened to ego telling me I knew something. Since that happened, I have been feeling some anxiety about it. And this morning when I sat down for my meditation, I began to cry and I knew something was going to come up for me to look at with Holy Spirit. As I cried, I waited to see what it would be and it was this incident of acting on my own rather than following direction.
I let the emotion play out and then I said, “Here I am, Lord.” I was ready to surrender to the “I don’t know.” How could I know what was best for anyone? Yes, I could have asked before I spoke, and the sane part of the mind was trying to nudge me in that direction but I thought I knew. I lost my peace and it was the loss of peace that alerted me that a correction was needed. I had already done this thing, but not all was lost.
I asked the Holy Spirit to undo what I had done. I stopped feeling guilty because I knew the Holy Spirit would undo all the consequences of my wrong decision if I would let Him. And I wanted Him to do so. It is the most amazing thing that the effects of my error will be undone for me. I could not possibly do that without the Holy Spirit. Not that I don’t hear the ego suggesting that I can somehow fix this, but I am sane again and so I am ignoring the ego. I pray that I never call on the ego for anything again.
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