III. Littleness versus Magnitude, P 2
2 Yet what you do not realize, each time you choose, is that your choice is your evaluation of yourself. Choose littleness and you will not have peace, for you will have judged yourself unworthy of it. And whatever you offer as a substitute is much too poor a gift to satisfy you. It is essential that you accept the fact, and accept it gladly, that there is no form of littleness that can ever content you. You are free to try as many as you wish, but all you will be doing is to delay your homecoming. For you will be content only in magnitude, which is your home.
Journal
I had spent most of my life trying to get ahead, to become a better person, to somehow make up for the mistakes I had made over the years. I had squandered years trying to be someone special, someone, who would impress others. For a while, I was obsessed with obituaries. I would read each one, reading their legacies, and measuring myself against them. I wanted so much to be remembered for something important. Then, I found A Course in Miracles.
Looking back on it, I see that the legacy thing happened shortly before I found the Course. I think this was in preparation for what was to come. There is a knowing that we are intended to leave a legacy behind, but we get drawn into the hypnotic trance of the world, and it gets twisted in our mind. We start thinking that our legacy is about what we do in the world when it is really about how we undo our world. I heard Bentinho Massaro express it something like this: Our life is not about our life.
We all have an intention for magnitude when we come here. It is in our mind and ready to come forward when we are ready for it. I didn’t realize that A Course in Miracles was part of my expression of this magnitude, at least not for a long time. In Right Teaching and Right Learning (T 15: I, P 9) Jesus says this.
“You are not at peace because you are not fulfilling your function. God gave you a very lofty function that you are not meeting.”
This lofty function he speaks of is the intention we set for ourselves. I know someone who touched his intention when he was fairly young. In a dream he had, he was reminded of this. He was told that he needed to choose the direction he wanted to go in his life. Did he want to play little and fulfill a wish to become wealthy, or did he want to fulfill his spiritual destiny? He chose the former and has done well, but is unfulfilled. I often wonder if he remembers that dream.
I am very grateful that he told me about that dream all those years ago. It made an impact on my consciousness and I have never forgotten it. All those years when I was still choosing to be less small, there was a part of my mind that was still seeking my true purpose even when I didn’t realize it. Another thing that Jesus says in Right Teaching and Right Learning is this.
“God is inevitable, and you cannot avoid Him any more than He can avoid you.”
Thank you, God, that this is true and that I know it and embrace it, finally.
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