I. The Two Uses of Time, P 2
2 One source of perceived discouragement from which you may suffer is your belief that this takes time, and that the results of the Holy Spirit’s teaching are far in the future. This is not so. For the Holy Spirit uses time in His Own way, and is not bound by it. Time is His friend in teaching. It does not waste Him, as it does you. And all the waste that time seems to bring with it is due but to your identification with the ego, which uses time to support its belief in destruction. The ego, like the Holy Spirit, uses time to convince you of the inevitability of the goal and end of teaching. To the ego, the goal is death, which is its end. But to the Holy Spirit, the goal is life, which has no end.
Journal
I am glad that Jesus is talking to us about the idea that awakening takes time. I have believed this myself. Recently, I have considered the idea that this might not be true, that it could happen in any moment, in the blink of an eye. It has not seemed that way to me in the past and if I look at the past to define the future, then I will be waiting a long time yet.
But what if I just believe what Jesus is telling me here? Maybe the reason it has taken so long up to now is that I have clung to the ego identification. That is the only thing standing between me and Awakening. I think that I am spirit, but I also think that part of me is ego, which I am defining here as body and personality, that is, concepts that make me special and separate from others.
I have come a long way with letting these concepts go. I used to think I had to be good at what I did, whatever that was, and excelling at it defined me. Sometimes, failing at it defined me. At one time, I used the success of my children to define me as a good mother. Earning money, nice car, good clothes, all of these were defining elements of my life.
Most of that has fallen away. Occasionally, I see some of those thoughts make a brief appearance, but I don’t care about them so they have no power. But there are other elements of my “self” that I still believe in. I treasure them and Jesus says that we defend what we treasure. If I defend anything that I think of as “me,” I am letting time waste me. I cannot know my true self until I let go of the self I made to take its place.
There are days when I am certain that this lifetime will not be enough time to get the job done. Yes, a lot has been accomplished so far, but there are so many little ways in which I see that I still value my self. I just had my 68th birthday. How many more do I have left? Is there enough time to accomplish my goal? If I were responsible for this, then I would have something to worry about.
But the Holy Spirit uses time in His Own way. Time is His friend in teaching, and I am listening to the Holy Spirit more and more. I am surrendered more than I am not. I am dedicated and I learning not to compromise. My Awakening will happen when it does and when is not my business. The Holy Spirit is my Teacher and my Guide, and the Holy Spirit knows how to use time. My part is to give my heart to this process and to follow my guidance. I will do that. I no longer seek death, but life.
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