I. The Two Uses of Time, P 6
6 How bleak and despairing is the ego’s use of time! And how terrifying! For underneath its fanatical insistence that the past and future be the same is hidden a far more insidious threat to peace. The ego does not advertise its final threat, for it would have its worshippers still believe that it can offer them escape. But the belief in guilt must lead to the belief in hell, and always does. The only way in which the ego allows the fear of hell to be experienced is to bring hell here, but always as a foretaste of the future. For no one who considers himself as deserving of hell can believe that punishment will end in peace.
Journal
We are being shown the two uses for time and the differences between the ego’s use of time and the Holy Spirit’s use of time could not be more apparent. The ego uses time to kill us without killing itself, and it does this by following us into death offering more guilt and punishment. No wonder I was so ready to give up the idea of hell. As soon as I found a spiritual teaching leading away from this belief, I got on that train.
It was a little harder for me to give up guilt. Ha ha. Let me rephrase that. It is the hardest thing I have ever done, actually. If it were easy, A Course in Miracles would be a very slim volume. Finally, however, I realized that guilt is hell and so if I want to give up hell altogether, the belief in guilt had to go. I’m still shedding some of that belief. Like the proverbial onion metaphor, I have peeled away a lot of it, and am near the core.
The ego tries to convince us that death is salvation. Since it plans to follow us into death it is ok with the ego if we die. I used to think that if I could just get through this life, I would die and then wake up. I don’t know what made me believe that. I suppose it is because I asked the ego what awakening was and that is what I was told. I understand now that it is here that we wake up and then we are in Heaven. No further travel needed.
That is the way the Holy Spirit has used time. I give Him my time and He helps me by removing the untrue thoughts in my mind, as I am ready to give them up. It used to be very crowded in there, full of useless junk, but now so much has been removed that I am seeing some light. I have begun to welcome all experience, even the ones that still feel painful, knowing that the Holy Spirit will use time wisely to undo that feeling for me. Heaven is here with me, right here in my mind. All I have to do is allow turn my awareness in that direction.
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