II. The Decision to Forget
1 Unless you first know something you cannot dissociate it. Knowledge must precede dissociation, so that dissociation is nothing more than a decision to forget. What has been forgotten then appears to be fearful, but only because the dissociation is an attack on truth. You are fearful because you have forgotten. And you have replaced your knowledge by an awareness of dreams because you are afraid of your dissociation, not of what you have dissociated. When what you have dissociated is accepted, it ceases to be fearful.
Journal
I don’t think about it often, but once in awhile I have the disturbing thought that maybe I chose to be something else because I didn’t like what I was. I think, “Why would I have left Heaven if Heaven is wonderful?” I don’t let myself dwell on this too much because it feels a little scary to me. Now it seems that Jesus is confronting this idea. He is also explaining why I have this mostly unacknowledged fear.
He is telling me that I am afraid, not of what I have dissociated, but that I did dissociate in the first place. I decided to forget what I am and where I am, and that decision scared me. It is frightening to me because it is an attack on the truth. This is a relief because it means I don’t have to be afraid of what I forgot. I am not really afraid of my true nature, and thankfully, I am not really afraid of God.
In my fear, I replaced the truth with illusions and that is where I am now, dreaming of something to distract me from my unease. But I can stop any time I want to. I don’t have to keep up this distracting story because there is nothing to fear. This is why Jesus spends so much time in the Course reassuring us that God loves us and that we love Him. I chose to forget and now I must choose to remember. As Jesus talks to us about our true nature and the nature of God, I feel a memory beginning to make itself known to me.
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