II. The Decision to Forget, P 6
6 If you realized the complete havoc this makes of your peace of mind you could not make such an insane decision. You make it only because you still believe it can get you something you want. It follows, then, that you want something other than peace of mind, but you have not considered what it must be. Yet the logical outcome of your decision is perfectly clear, if you will only look at it. By deciding against your reality, you have made yourself vigilant against God and His Kingdom. And it is this vigilance that makes you afraid to remember Him.
Journal
I have created a closed cycle that keeps me in the illusion. I made a decision to experience myself as separate from God and His Kingdom and to keep this impossibility believable I must be vigilant against truth. I must dedicate myself to keeping reality from my awareness. How very hard that must be! As it turns out, the necessity of guarding against God is what causes fear of God.
I imagine it this way. I wanted to experience something entirely impossible and so I walled off a part of the mind. I made a room with a door that I could close. Now I have a place where reality cannot intrude and I am able to have the experience I want as long as I am careful to keep that door closed and to guard against reality coming into my imaginary room, which will happen the moment I stop guarding against it.
And thus the endless cycle. I must of necessity, keep reality at bay, or I cannot have this experience. This requires that I be vigilant against God and this very act of vigilance against God makes me afraid of God. See how perfectly I set this up? See how the use of guilt and fear keep the illusion in place?
How to get free of this closed cycle is the question. This was planned for, too. We might be curious creators playing in the field of infinite possibilities, but we are not powerful enough to actually undo Reality, nor would we want to. No, we have an exit strategy. We have the Truth in our mind waiting for us to call upon it. We also have the plan to help us remember our desire to awaken and to gently guide us through the process. For us, this plan is laid out in A Course in Miracles.
I love how my study of the Text often coincides with my study of the Lessons. This morning in the Lessons Jesus was talking to us about how our mind holds only what we think with God. Before I wrote in my journal about this, I asked him to help me understand what he was saying. This is what I got. Notice how perfectly it fits in with this paragraph in the Course.
From Introduction to Review IV.
Jesus says that this review is preparing us for the second part of learning how the truth can be applied. It is getting us ready for what comes next. I like the sound of that. It feels like graduating to the next level in school, this anticipation of what comes next. Because everything so far has turned my thought system completely upside down, it at first seemed hard.
But really, all I am learning is that I am not the body and personality that I thought I was. This is not my life. And these are not even my thoughts that I seem to think all day long. What Jesus wants me to focus on now is that none of this could be true because my mind holds only what I think with God. So if I seem to be thinking something that is clearly not what I would think with God, then I must not be thinking at all.
It doesn’t seem reasonable at first because I have given so much weight to this mind chatter, and I have told myself that the ego mind I made up is just as real as the mind I share with God. But in reality, the ego mind that is filled with false thoughts is not real. It is just a construct made for the purpose of experiencing something that is not possible.
My real mind holds only what I think with God. Clearly, this is my salvation. Yes, I have a made up mind, a construct to allow the separation idea to play out, but I also have the mind I share with God, which is my true mind. They are both within me and that means I can become aware of my true mind any time I want to.
What is it that is blocking my awareness? Guilt, fear and all its variants are what stands between me and the state of Heaven, of knowing the Mind of God. How do I remove those blocks? I remove them by understanding that they are not real and so it is possible to be free of them, and by wanting to be free. Then the Holy Spirit removes them for me. It is simple and straight forward, however difficult it might seem.
Guilt feeds on itself and creates fear which can paralyze. The ego mind makes it seem so terribly hard, so complicated. And yet, I don’t have to do anything to return to my God. I don’t have to learn to think differently. I don’t have to get rid of the ego thoughts. I only have to desire to remember, because in actuality, my mind holds only what I think with God.
The return is not about doing anything to be what I am. It is simply a matter of turning away from the belief that the dream is real, and that I want to keep dreaming it. In that moment, reality comes rushing in and I am that I am. I look forward to this review, to sitting in quiet and allowing the Word of God to do its healing work in my mind.
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