V. The Denial of God, P 4
4 Sickness and death seemed to enter the mind of God’s Son against His Will. The “attack on God” made His Son think he was Fatherless, and out of his depression he made the god of depression. This was his alternative to joy, because he would not accept the fact that, although he was a creator, he had been created. Yet the Son is helpless without the Father, Who alone is his Help.
Journal
I seemed to attack God when I chose to experience something unlike Him. I read in A Course of Love that it might be easier to understand if I use the word Creation instead of God. So I think I attacked Creation when I chose to experience something unlike Creation. Yes, that makes sense. That is exactly what we did.
We wanted to see what it would be like to make something that could not possibly occur and so the separation idea unfolded for us. Jesus says that this is when we made a detour into guilt. This is where the problem began. In our guilt, which of course led to fear, we became depressed, and so (having abandoned Love) we made a god of depression.
Because we made ourselves Fatherless, we decided we were our own creator. Now we are alone and without help. We just keep digging ourselves in deeper and deeper as we try to correct what we have done, and try to do this alone. We need our Father’s help but we have denied our Father so we have no help. No wonder we are depressed.
I was a little confused by the idea that we made a god of depression, but I suppose that is what we did. When things go wrong and nothing we do can fix them, we turn to depression. We try to appease the depression with new fixes, and when that doesn’t work we turn to pharmaceuticals. If all else fails we sacrifice ourselves on the altar of depression through sickness and death, or even suicide.
The only way out of this is to accept that we are not our own creators and that we are ready to accept our Father, and to accept His help in undoing what we have done. On a practical day-to-day experience of this I see what I must do, and what I have been doing. I see the dark thoughts that have been the natural consequence of separation thinking and I turn to the Voice for God to receive correction.
It is a simple thing and requires only my desire for healing that is not of my own making. This would seem to be easy enough considering all the proof I have that I cannot do this on my own. Letting go of the fear of God, and letting go of the desire to succeed on my own are the only two things I need in order to be successful in this endeavor. As I let go of my desire to succeed on my own, and turn more and more often to the Guide Home that God placed in my mind, the peace and joy I experience will help me to see that God is Love and I have nothing to fear from Him.
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