II. The Invitation to Healing, P 3
3 And denial is as total as love. You cannot deny part of yourself, because the rest will seem to be separate and therefore without meaning. And being without meaning to you, you will not understand it. To deny meaning is to fail to understand. You can heal only yourself, for only God’s Son needs healing. You need it because you do not understand yourself, and therefore know not what you do. Having forgotten your will, you do not know what you really want.
Journal
The reason Awakening requires that we not compromise in accepting the Atonement is that denial is as total as love. If I leave anything out, any person, any situation, any thought within my mind; if I deny the Holy Spirit anything, I will not awaken. Is there some part of my mind, even one single thought that I want to keep separate from the Holy Spirit’s healing transformation? Then I have not accepted the Atonement and I will remain in the dream. Is there one person among the billions that stands outside my willingness to forgive? Then I have not accepted the Atonement.
Sometimes it can be subtle. I was watching a show in which the family (brothers and sisters and their families) was very close, outwardly loving, visiting each other frequently, praying together, sharing deeply. I felt sad because I don’t have that, my family does not interact in that way. In that moment of sadness, I was in denial of God, and needed healing. I was choosing to let ego interpret the situation.
The truth is that regardless of appearances, we cannot be separate, and a story of separation is just a story. I saw the error in my mind, and I chose the peace of God over the sad story the ego offered me. It is always a choice, the meaning we give these thoughts.
Physical illness seems like something outside our choice, and yet sickness is a defense against God, and therefore, on some level, we have made a choice for it. When I am sick or in pain, I remind myself it was a choice and I choose the peace of God instead. Always, regardless of what seems to be happening, it is a choice between ego and God.
The illness or the broken relationship, or other effects of separation thinking may already be in play. It is still not too late to make another choice. If I see myself as a victim to these circumstances, and if I project the blame for them, I have chosen ego again. If I accept responsibility for all that occurs, and offer my mind to be healed of the thoughts that sourced the effects, I have chosen for God.
I am totally responsible for everything that happens in the world because there is only one mind and I am part of that mind. When I read the paper and see that someone has killed or robbed and I think that person is guilty, I have made a mistake. I am that person who killed and robbed. That is me over
there acting out the belief that I am separate from God, and damned for it. Seeing the criminal as someone separate from me is denying our oneness and refusing to accept the Atonement.
Making fun of Donald Trump’s hair or behavior, judging something I read on Facebook, speaking unkindly about someone, worrying about the weather, my finances, my relationships, all of these are ways to keep my self separate from my other selves. As I began to realize what I was doing, I began to make a different choice, to choose God instead, one thought at a time.
It would seem an impossible task and simply too overwhelming to be done, but each choice to not deny love, helped me to see that there really is only one thought appearing as many. Now my mind is quieter than before, and all ego thoughts are beginning to blend together into one thought of separation.
While it does still require my vigilance and my unquestioning commitment, it doesn’t feel like an impossible task anymore. As I allow the mind to be healed and the separation idea to be undone, I am beginning to know what I want. The stronger this feeling becomes the easier it is to make the choice for God.
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