V. The “Dynamics” of the Ego, P 7
7 The ego always attacks on behalf of separation. Believing it has the power to do this it does nothing else, because its goal of autonomy is nothing else. The ego is totally confused about reality, but it does not lose sight of its goal. It is much more vigilant than you are, because it is perfectly certain of its purpose. You are confused because you do not recognize yours.
Journal
The ego is more vigilant than I am because it is perfectly certain of its purpose, and I am not. Well, I suppose this is true, but not nearly as much as it used to be. I still lose sight of my purpose and get caught up in some ego drama, but I don’t stay in it. I see that I have moved away from my goal instead of toward it, and I ask Holy Spirit for help getting back on course.
Sometimes it takes awhile for me to accept the help given me. This happens when I believe that it is important for me to be right and it’s important for me to keep some ego belief. As Jesus has told us before, we believe that fear protects us, so sometimes I cling to what causes this fear. I think I need to defend myself so I think I need the tools to do that, tools like projection and denial. Sometimes it takes me awhile to realize what I am doing and why, but as soon as I do, I change my mind and return to trust.
It sounds funny to think that I need to aspire to be as vigilant as the ego, but I see that the ego never gets confused about what it wants, what it’s goals are, and what matters to it. I want this for myself, this absolute certainty. I want to reach a place in my healing where I never confuse safety with defense, or neediness with love, or material possessions with abundance.
I want to remember, always and in every circumstance, that the peace of God is everything I want. I want to be as vigilant for my awakening as the ego is for the illusion. So I practice every day, all day long, and even into the night as I ask Holy Spirit to take my sleep and use it on behalf of my awakening. It’s working, too. I am so grateful!
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