V. The “Dynamics” of the Ego, P 8
8 You must recognize that the last thing the ego wishes you to realize is that you are afraid of it. For if the ego could give rise to fear, it would diminish your independence and weaken your power. Yet its one claim to your allegiance is that it can give power to you. Without this belief you would not listen to it at all. How, then, can its existence continue if you realize that, by accepting it, you are belittling yourself and depriving yourself of power?
Journal
The way I have learned that the ego’s claim that it empowers me is false is to look at my life with the Holy Spirit, and see for myself how empty its promises. If I look with eyes open to the truth, I see that when something goes wrong, the ego offers solutions that never work. Its solutions will always be either projection or denial, and neither solution will be helpful.
If I deny the problem it sits in my mind slowly building momentum and then one day when I least expect it, it explodes out of me, often at the worst possible time. If I project the problem onto someone else and see them as guilty, I only increase guilt in myself because on some level I know this is not right, and I know that it is separation. Separation is not natural and so when I engage in separation thinking it causes anxiety. Projection teaches guilt, both to me and to others.
The reason the ego has fooled me in the past with its false promises of power is that both projection and denial are an attempt to distance myself from the problem. At first there is a sense of relief, and that makes me feel powerful. But the relief never lasts, because I have healed nothing, and when it fades I feel worse because I have added to my already burdened heart with more guilt.
A co-worker failed to follow up on a project I had turned in. I felt anger rising in me as I realized the repercussions of her carelessness. This is the ego idea of power. Now that I made her guilty, I can see myself as blameless and as a victim. I feel smarter than, more capable than. This is the ego power I have been given. Only it feels good for just a bit, and the problem remains, and I feel guilty for my attack on her. Thank goodness I did not verbalize the attack or I would have felt even worse.
Given to the Holy Spirit instead, my true power is revealed to me. I remember that the peace of God is everything I want, and my mind is soothed. I remember that I asked the Holy Spirit to be my memory, to make my plans and my decisions. The sudden and unbidden question, “What ever happened to that quote?” showed up because it needed to be asked.
I asked it and now the situation is corrected. I am at peace and the work is being done. It took no effort on my part. That is the power I want, not the ego sad excuse for power. Complete surrender is true power. Listening for the Voice that guides and comforts and heals is true power. Accepting the Atonement is true power. Forgiveness is true power. True power leads to one solution because there is one problem. For just a moment there I thought that my sister was my enemy. My choice for God reminded me that she is my self.
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