VI. Waking to Redemption P 5
5 Do not underestimate the power of the devotion of God’s Son, nor the power the god he worships has over him. For he places himself at the altar of his god, whether it be the god he made or the God Who created him. That is why his slavery is as complete as his freedom, for he will obey only the god he accepts. The god of crucifixion demands that he crucify, and his worshippers obey. In his name they crucify themselves, believing that the power of the Son of God is born of sacrifice and pain. The God of resurrection demands nothing, for He does not will to take away. He does not require obedience, for obedience implies submission. He would only have you learn your will and follow it, not in the spirit of sacrifice and submission, but in the gladness of freedom.
Journal
Jesus is helping me to understand why it is that I am so attracted to guilt and fear even though it is obviously painful for me, and clearly not necessary. It is because I have made the ego my god, and I worship at it’s altar. My devotion is powerful and so my slavery is as complete as my freedom. It’s crazy. I hurt myself through my decision to be hurt.
I can stop it by simply making a different decision. I can worship my creator instead of the false God I made to take His place. That is all that is required for me to get down off this cross and live in freedom. I do understand this. It is the reason I have chosen surrender as my path to God. I feel drawn to surrender even though it is not my natural inclination, at least in the world.
I have spent my life becoming independent. I have worked hard at it. Even in my study of the Course I have focused on letting go of the idea of victimization, and sometimes for the wrong reason, I think. Only recently have I accepted the idea that victimization is impossible. I am the maker of all things in my world so how could I be victim to anything. At first, though, I just wanted to be successful at being independent and strong.
As I let go of more false beliefs, I have more clarity. It is not something I earned. It is simply the effect of allowing my mind to be cleared of all that obstructed the truth. I am learning that I don’t know what anything means. I am coming to value the “I don’t know” mind. What a strange thing it is that the less I claim, the more I have.
The more dependent I become on my Father, the freer I am. I thought dependence was loss, but I was wrong. Loss of ego independence was not a sacrifice and it cost me nothing and gave me everything that I have so far been willing to accept. I am slowly coming to the realization that the self-will I used to treasure above all else doesn’t even truly exist. Being part of God, I share His Will. How could that be a sacrifice?
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