VII. The Way to Remember God, P 10
10 We are therefore embarking on an organized, well-structured and carefully planned program aimed at learning how to offer to the Holy Spirit everything you do not want. He knows what to do with it. You do not understand how to use what He knows. Whatever is given Him that is not of God is gone. Yet you must look at it yourself in perfect willingness, for otherwise His knowledge remains useless to you. Surely He will not fail to help you, since help is His only purpose. Do you not have greater reason for fearing the world as you perceive it, than for looking at the cause of fear and letting it go forever?
Journal
I notice that I have a couple of areas in my life that I seem determined to defend against God’s Love. I have let so much go and yet these problems remain. I am tempted to think of them has harder or more important, or proof that not all healing is possible. But the truth is, I don’t have different problems; I have one problem. It just shows up in different forms.
One of those forms that I have not allowed the Holy Spirit to correct for me is this. I make choices to not do certain things and then I do them anyway. For instance, I decide to not eat sugar and then before the day is out I have succumbed to the desire for a pastry. Then I feel guilty and weak and helpless against my own compulsions. Very ego of me, isn’t it?
And that is the point. The only problem I have is that I think I separated from God. That belief makes itself known in the world of time and space as this situation in which I seem to prove over and over that I cannot be part of God, because, obviously, I am weak and helpless. Failing to stop eating sugar is just a representation of the desire to remain separate. Eating or not eating sugar is not, of itself, important in any way. It is just a symbol of my fear of Love, and my determination to keep it blocked.
When I fail to live up to a commitment I make, the guilt builds for awhile and then one day I feel depressed about it. I feel hopeless as well as helpless. I think I will never do this and that even the Holy Spirit has given up on me. And the endless, disheartening cycle continues. Fortunately, while my mind is still split, I am more in touch with the right side than I used to be and so I don’t let myself get sucked down into this scary place for too long before I make another choice.
I long for this cycle to be completely broken and I know it will, just as other projections have been healed. I am reminded that a characteristic of God’s teachers is patience. So I rest in God for a moment and let my soul be soothed and comforted. I embrace patience knowing this, too, shall pass and there is no possibility of failure, so I can indeed afford to be patient. One day I will let this go forever.
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