IV. The Inheritance of God’s Son P 4
4 Only you can deprive yourself of anything. Do not oppose this realization, for it is truly the beginning of the dawn of light. Remember also that the denial of this simple fact takes many forms, and these you must learn to recognize and to oppose steadfastly, without exception. This is a crucial step in the reawakening. The beginning phases of this reversal are often quite painful, for as blame is withdrawn from without, there is a strong tendency to harbor it within. It is difficult at first to realize that this is exactly the same thing, for there is no distinction between within and without.
Journal
I absolutely accept that I am responsible for everything. I but do it to myself! And yet, I still notice a tendency to want to place blame. For instance, yesterday I got a call from a customer asking why he had not received his report on his water system. My first thought was that someone should have gotten this report to him and I felt anger. The ego always speaks first, but I don’t always listen, thank goodness. I let that thought go.
I looked his information up and saw that he had a problem. I felt frustrated again and felt like the new sales coordinator was never going to be as good as the old one who would have told me about this. Another attack thought. Another attempt to displace blame and deny responsibility. This one was a little stronger which means I liked that idea and was interested in it. But only for a moment, and then I let it go as well.
The truth is, the world I see is one of my own making. I began with a belief that I am a victim and that I am always besieged from without and unfairly treated. From that belief I made an image that represented these ideas, adding some guilt and fear as well. This would be the story of my customer blaming me for what someone else did, and maybe losing that customer as a result of their incompetence. Then I projected the story outward where I pretend that I don’t know where it came from, but certainly it is handy to have it here. I tell myself that things go wrong and it’s not my fault, but, by golly, someone is guilty!
I let that thought go, too, and went to see the customer to reassure him as well as to find the source of the problem. It turned out to be a fruitful visit. I was calm and confident and at peace when I visited him because I had seen my projected image and chosen against it rather than defending it. I chose peace instead and so I gave peace.
I explained the delay in the report and I found his problem and all of it was done quickly and well. He thinks better of me now than he would have if the error had never occurred. Had I held onto the anger and blame, I am sure there would have been a different ending to this story, one where we both would likely have been out of peace and so looking for someone to blame.
As Jesus predicted, when I first began to understand this and started withdrawing my projections, I was dismayed at the resulting self-attacks. I felt so guilty and so hopeless about the whole thing. The more work I did in the Course, the worse I felt. But I kept doing the work and as my mind healed of the belief in guilt, I stopped projecting the guilt onto myself as well as letting others off the hook. Now I am happy to see the error and allow God’s Light to shine it away. I am the Son of God and cannot be guilty, cannot even know guilt. That’s the truth.
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