IV. Seeking and Finding, P 6
6 Behold the Guide your Father gave you, that you might learn you have eternal life. For death is not your Father’s Will nor yours, and whatever is true is the Will of the Father. You pay no price for life for that was given you, but you do pay a price for death, and a very heavy one. If death is your treasure, you will sell everything else to purchase it. And you will believe that you have purchased it, because you have sold everything else. Yet you cannot sell the Kingdom of Heaven. Your inheritance can neither be bought nor sold. There can be no disinherited parts of the Sonship, for God is whole and all His extensions are like Him.
Journal
My first thought on reading this was to wonder what I am selling to get death? How does this work? Obviously I am selling my wholeness, but how do I do this? I asked Holy Spirit to help me understand and to alert me when I am actually doing it. Here are some things He showed me.
I have a friend in financial need. Before I decide if I can give to her I think about other people I give to and I categorize them according to importance to me. How does this buy me death? Separating out those who are important and worthy of my help is a way I make separate, and only those who know their wholeness know eternal life.
I remember last night thinking about my body as a communication device. I wondered how it is that I use it for something else, and what came into my mind is a life-time of dieting, of trying to make the body look attractive to others in many little ways. I have wanted people to look at me and think I look good, to be impressed with me.
This is not communication because it is limited in what is being communicated and to whom. I want others to know a certain version of myself, and I want to use this to keep us separate, divided in groups according to their size, shape and general attractiveness. I am willing to sell out my wholeness for the very temporary approval of others. Again, without an awareness of wholeness, there is not life.
Another one that came to me is how I might use people to meet my own perceived special needs. I might call on a friend to spend time with me because I am lonely rather than because I want to share love. I might give to my children so that they will give me something in return, such as appreciation, rather than giving from the shear joy of giving. I might be nice to a customer to gain their loyalty rather than being nice because I know them as one with me.
Giving to get is just another way to sell out my wholeness. And what do I get from all of this? I get death, because living as a separate self with all these unfulfilled needs is not life. God is Life and He gave me life in my creation. I still have it, but to know I have it, I must let go of these symbols of death, even unto the strongest symbol, the death of the body itself. You would think I would understand this since even this body death turns out to be a joke.
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