V. The Sane Curriculum, P 6
6 You do not know the meaning of love, and that is your handicap. Do not attempt to teach yourself what you do not understand, and do not try to set up curriculum goals where yours have clearly failed. Your learning goal has been not to learn, and this cannot lead to successful learning. You cannot transfer what you have not learned, and the impairment of the ability to generalize is a crucial learning failure. Would you ask those who have failed to learn what learning aids are for? They do not know. If they could interpret the aids correctly, they would have learned from them.
Journal
Jesus continues to impress on us that we cannot teach ourselves. If you have been a good student of the ego, and a good student of the world, this can be a hard pill to swallow. I was a good student in most subjects, and took pride in that. What I did not excel in, I avoided so that I wouldn’t feel bad about myself.
Now what I have learned is that none of this matters. None of it means anything. It is all just more story, more illusion. I have found it useful to learn to communicate in words and to write. There are other things that have been necessary to learn in order to be in this dream. But what matters, what does have meaning, I can only learn through the Holy Spirit.
This is one lesson I have learned and fully accept. I know the difference between having an intellectual understanding of concepts, and knowing these things so that they are no longer concepts but reality. And I fully accept that this process requires my cooperation, but not my effort. I can read A Course in Miracles all day long, and listen to it all night long, and it will not become real to me for all that work.
What I can do is ask the Holy Spirit to show me what He wants me to know about each situation. I ask Him to heal my mind of the false thoughts I still hold. I do not accept as true any concept I have learned on my own until I have questioned it with the Holy Spirit. I ask Him to teach me what is true and what is false, and then I ask Him to remove from my mind what is not true.
When I notice I am making plans on my own, that I am making decisions without Him, I change my mind. I know this will only bring me more confusion if I keep doing it. I pay attention to my feelings and when I am not happy I know there is a thought that needs to be healed, and ask Holy Spirit for that healing.
Yesterday I was listening to a co-worker complain about the company. I noticed that I agreed with what he was saying, though I could see that he was trying to solve this problem on his own and as a result, he was feeling hopeless. That was the part I did not agree with. I know that with the Holy Spirit nothing is hopeless. Because of the conflict in my own mind, I asked Holy Spirit what to say to this man.
At first, I was doing good, stepping back, waiting for the words to say, but eventually, I started feeling like he was dragging me down to where he was. Later I took this thought to Holy Spirit. He told me that no one could drag me down. What happens is that my own beliefs, some of which I am unaware on a conscious level, get triggered. It was my own buried beliefs and fears that I was reacting to, not my co-worker.
Here is another thing Holy Spirit showed me. I thought I was disturbed by the situation. But the situation merely reflected the disturbance in my mind. In other words, fear, doubt and uncertainty were in my mind. Then the dissatisfaction and subsequent fear of what was going on in the company unfolded as this story of me and my co-worker having this talk.
The belief in the mind always comes first, then the situation. I was not afraid of what was happening at work, what was happening at work was the inevitable effect of my fear. Thank you, Holy Spirit. This is not something I could have taught myself. Even if I understood the concept, I cannot teach myself to know this in my heart. I cannot transfer this knowledge so that I know it in every circumstance of which I am aware. I gratefully retire as my own teacher and accept you as my teacher.
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