VII. Looking Within, P 8
8 When you want only love you will see nothing else. The contradictory nature of the witnesses you perceive is merely the reflection of your conflicting invitations. You have looked upon your mind and accepted opposition there, having sought it there. But do not then believe that the witnesses for opposition are true, for they attest only to your decision about reality, returning to you the messages you gave them. Love, too, is recognized by its messengers. If you make love manifest, its messengers will come to you because you invited them.
Journal
Jesus is always telling me that what I have is what I want. He says that I am always doing this to myself and that the world I see is the result of the choice to see it. So if I really want love then I will see love and nothing else. He doesn’t say that I have to wait for the world to change, or that I have to change it. He says that when I want only love I will see nothing else.
I accept that this is true. I don’t always understand how that can be, and I certainly don’t understand why I would issue an invitation for anything other than love. But I accept it as true anyway, and I work from there. I have had some days of floating blissfully above the battleground. No matter what has happened, I have been happy. I have felt joy welling up with me. I have felt that strong connection with Spirit.
It has not been uninterrupted joy. There were challenging moments, but I met them with the strength of God that is available to me and they passed easily. But this morning I woke up feeling heavy and earthbound. Nothing is really wrong, nothing bad is happening. I just feel like my feet are stuck in quicksand and I am being held down. No more blissful floating.
I asked Holy Spirit what was going on. It felt bad, and I had a moment of panic because I didn’t know what happened and couldn’t seem to do anything about it. I tried my surrender exercise. I tried to feel the connection. Where did all that joy go? Where did God go? I suspected He didn’t go anywhere, but evidently I did. So I asked. Where did the love go, God?
I was shown the thoughts I have had since yesterday. I am preparing for my trip and there are a few things that must be done and not all of them can be done immediately. I am worried something will be forgotten. My drier stopped working last night and today I have to get a new one on my lunch hour. Will this be complicated? How do I choose a new one? I read what people have reported on all the major brands and none of them seem a safe bet.
I am starting to see where this is going. I am looking to my ego mind to judge what is happening. I feel very defensive. I want to defend against forgetfulness, mistakes, buying the wrong drier, all sorts of things. So let me remember that it is in my defenselessness that my safety lies. Not in keeping good lists and checking everything off. Not in finding the perfect drier. Not in arranging everything just right. Not in staying within some kind of budget.
These are not the things that make me safe. These thoughts are the thoughts that bring fear into my mind. When I defend myself I teach myself that I need defense and have every right to be afraid. I can have fear or I can have love. The circumstances in my life do not determine my choice. What I want determines my choice.
I chose love. It wasn’t hard. I just chose it. The joy is back. The floaty feeling is back. I am above the battleground again. I see the ego down there trying to get my attention, waving lists at me, warning me something could go wrong. I wave back. Not interested, ego. (giggle) It is so funny how confused I sometimes become, how afraid of nothing. No matter what happens or doesn’t happen, love is a choice and it is always available to me. The only requirement is that I want nothing else.
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