V. The Two Emotions
1 I have said you have but two emotions, love and fear. One is changeless but continually exchanged, being offered by the eternal to the eternal. In this exchange it is extended, for it increases as it is given. The other has many forms, for the content of individual illusions differs greatly. Yet they have one thing in common; they are all insane. They are made of sights that are not seen, and sounds that are not heard. They make up a private world that cannot be shared. For they are meaningful only to their maker, and so they have no meaning at all. In this world their maker moves alone, for only he perceives them.
Journal
I use my eyes to show me the world I want to see. It is my world, complete in everything I want, and everything I don’t want is omitted. I look upon it and see that it is mine alone. How I see my child is a vision I share with no one, least of all that child. I don’t know who that one is and if I were to write all about her and put the writing out for her to see, she would probably think that the person I wrote about had some of the same experiences she did. But I am certain that she would not recognize it as herself, and would be astounded to learn I think of her in that way. She has her own world in which she images herself in the way she wants to see herself.
You would think we would all make up images that are amazing and perfect, but we don’t value ourselves enough to do that. No, we project out shame and guilt and fear onto the image and claim that instead. We made it, however, and we claim it and so we take pride in it and clutch it to us as if it was actually valuable. Have you ever heard two people arguing over who was the worst person, dragging the past forward to prove their claim? Maybe even heard yourself doing something like this? I was sicker, my surgery lasted longer, my workplace the worst, my finances in greater disarray, my children the least grateful, all proof that I love my dysfunction and claim it proudly.
Never mind it is painful. Pain becomes pleasure in our confused minds, and we keep adding to our litany of suffering because we have taught ourselves there is some value in it. We cannot live if we have nothing to live for, so our mind finds areas in which it will excel and it grasps at these bits of pleasure and holds them up to prove its worth. Defending this self-image, both the seemingly good and the bad become a bloody battle that only adds to a personal, private world. And the competition, the blame, the attack and defend mode grow and take over our lives. We get so accustomed to feeling like this that we think it is normal and we don’t even question it.
When we begin to feel the draw of Heaven, we begin to question what has always seemed normal and expected. We are given the help and the guidance we are needed to find our way out of the quagmire of thoughtless thoughts that drag us deeper into the illusion of life. We find A Course in Miracles or some other nondual path to help us with this. We begin to vibrate at a different level and so we are more attuned to the Higher Realm and hear our guidance more clearly. This leads us inevitably to a realization of oneness and away from the desire to be separate. Our little personal kingdoms lose their glamour as we see them for what they are, pits of suffering, pain and death.
What becomes crystal clear is that the lower mind, the ego, is interested in fear and the higher mind knows only love. It also becomes clear that God is Love and God is One and so to return our mind to that blissful existence we must know ourselves as part of that Oneness and then we will know only love. In love there is no fear and thus no suffering and no death. There is only happiness, joy, freedom and other aspects of love, but to want that we must let go of what we used to value. I cannot be in Love’s presence if I am still attacking His Son; not one of my brothers and not myself.
I cannot bring my fancy house and big car and pile of money as proof of worthiness, as proof that I won; I cannot bring this into the Kingdom. I cannot bring my sorrows and my victimhood and suffering as proof that I am indeed the lowest of them all and stand cringing before God hoping I have already suffered enough, hoping He will see my suffering is greater than the others and turn to them instead. I must let it all go, all value in anything except love and oneness, and come empty handed to Love. I must come with my brothers neither behind nor before me, but beside me.
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