VII. ATTAINMENT OF THE REAL WORLD, P 9
9 You will first dream of peace, and then awaken to it. Your first exchange of what you made for what you want is the exchange of nightmares for the happy dreams of love. In these lie your true perceptions, for the Holy Spirit corrects the world of dreams, where all perception is. Knowledge needs no correction. Yet the dreams of love lead unto knowledge. In them you see nothing fearful, and because of this they are the welcome that you offer knowledge. Love waits on welcome, not on time, and the real world is but your welcome of what always was. Therefore the call of joy is in it, and your glad response is your awakening to what you have not lost.
Journal
We were in Heaven, knowing ourselves as One in God. We decided to dream of more than one and the dream became a nightmare. But it is just a dream and we are awakening now. We are backing out a step at a time just as we came into the dream. Our first step is to leave the nightmares behind and return to the happy dream. Our acceptance of the happy dream signals our desire to awaken from the dream. Love waits on our welcome.
This is accomplished as we realize that we are the cause of our unhappiness and make a decision to change our mind. This decision, this true desire for happiness is what triggers the Holy Spirit in our mind. The Holy Spirit then corrects our perception and brings it close to truth. So our part is to become aware of what we are doing and to truly desire a change. Salvation asks so little of us.
My younger daughter and I talked about her getting married. She had not decided how she wanted to do this, and was thinking about just going to the courthouse and getting it done. I think she was actually feeling me out to see how I felt about this. I had done my older daughter’s wedding for her and when my younger son planned to be married he intended me to do his. Perhaps she wanted to see if I objected to alternate plans. I told her that it is her wedding and she should do what she wanted to do. That was awhile back.
Last night we all attended her baby shower, family and friends. I had the thought that everyone was gathered, and this would be a good time for them to get married. As it turned out she had planned this big surprise. She had someone there to perform the ceremony and we all watched as Susan and Mike were married. My first reaction was surprising to me.
I felt embarrassed in front of my family that she did not confide in me and that I was not the one officiating. Then I felt rejected and somewhere between angry and sad. I watched all those feelings pass through me and I thought they would just keep going, but evidently I believed them because they stayed. I tried to talk myself out of them but that hardly ever works. It is not our job to correct our perception, only to want correction.
Finally, when I got home, I asked for help. I saw that the only thing happening here is that I was defending my self-image. I have done the weddings for my family members since I was ordained and I had an image of myself as that person. I have always presented myself as a good mother, one who is loved by her children. I often felt less than that, but it is the image I presented to the world, and now I felt the loss of that image.
It seems that I thought I needed her to show the world (and me) how special I am to her. I was reminded of how much work we put into maintaining our images, and the images are nothing. We are the Son of God, we are perfect Love, and yet here I am bemoaning the loss of an imagined illusory image.
It was still hard to let go of the desire to do so. I used the Rules for Decision. I understood that I had judged the situation. I decided what it meant, and once I had done that, my reaction was pretty much fixed. So if I wanted to return to peace and to love, I had to undo that decision. I knew it was too late for the quick restorative, so I began the step by step change of mind.
I at least knew that this thinking was not making me happy and so I hoped I was wrong. I wanted another way to look at this. I had to come back to that a few times because at first I didn’t want another way to look at it. What I really wanted was for her to know she hurt my feelings and to be sorry for it. I’m very glad that I didn’t express that out loud, knowing that I would change my mind about it. I sure wouldn’t want her special moment to be forever tainted by my unhappiness, and that kept me in check until I could allow the healing.
Finally, I knew that I wanted another way to see this. And I began to accept that maybe there was another way to see. (do ya think?) ~smile~ And my mind and heart began to open to that new perception. I really, really wanted this new perception, this true perception. I could make no image that comes close to what I was created. I understood that trading my Divinity for specialness was no real bargain at all. I saw how painful it is to need “proof” of love and approval. I wanted healing and that was my only job. The correction itself was out of my hands and so I simply allowed it.
This seems to be the way perception is corrected. My experience of this, after doing the practice for a number of years now, is that as I have become vigilant for my thoughts and beliefs and have allowed them to be corrected, I have become much happier. I haven’t slipped into that permanent state of a happy dream. As I can see from last night’s experience, I still have trouble letting go of some false beliefs that cause unhappiness. But I also see that I am willing to let them go even if it feels hard at first. Love is waiting for me to make it welcome, and I am doing that.
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