III. The Fear of Redemption, P 8
8 Beneath all the grandiosity you hold so dear is your real call for help. For you call for love to your Father as your Father calls you to Himself. In that place which you have hidden, you will only to unite with the Father, in loving remembrance of Him. You will find this place of truth as you see it in your brothers, for though they may deceive themselves, like you they long for the grandeur that is in them. And perceiving it you will welcome it, and it will be yours. For grandeur is the right of God’s Son, and no illusions can satisfy him or save him from what he is. Only his love is real, and he will be content only with his reality.
Journal
Love is what I am, and it alone will satisfy me. I will know myself as love when I know my brother as love. These are facts and I am glad that I know them. It is the foundation of forgiveness, of the Atonement, of my Awakening. I awaken as I awaken my brothers. I accept the Atonement for myself as I accept it for my brothers. I forgive myself as I forgive others. I recognize myself as the love that I am through recognizing it in everyone else. There is no other way.
This also helps me when I see it from the other direction. If I see guilt in my brothers, I will not see myself as love because I will inevitably see myself as guilty, and love is not guilt. I cannot contain guilt. If I see guilt anywhere, I will see it everywhere. It will not be held discreet, appearing only where I think it should be. This is what I have not wanted to know. I wanted to think that I could justify my judgments and thus keep them away from me. But it doesn’t work like that.
I had a problem with someone and I wanted to release that grievance because I want the peace of God. I cannot have the peace of God for myself if I refuse to give it to anyone else. I didn’t tell this person anything to cause them a lack of peace, or do anything to her. But in my mind, I denied her peace. I blamed her and found her guilty. There is no way I can have peace and blamelessness and guiltlessness if I choose not to give it. It is in giving it that I know it is mine. I can’t have what I don’t know is mine.
I decided that keeping her guilty was not worth the effort. It was not easy to let go of all the judgments I had against her because I had convinced myself that they were true. I had asked the ego what to believe and then had asked the ego what to do about it. The ego said that my judgments were justified by her behavior. It said that I must defend myself against her. Even if all this took place only in my mind, and never took form, it was still causing effects.
So I asked for a new way to see. The ego had no new way, and so I had to ask the Holy Spirit to interpret this situation for me. Before I could do that I was directed to look up close at all the thoughts I believed about this relationship. I was told to look at them honestly, without spiritualizing the situation, or hiding my unkindness. So I did this.
I made a list of every little thing about this person that bothered me in any way. It was ugly and it was enlightening. What I had seen only as a minor irritation was actually enraging to me. I had no idea. I saw why it was that I was told to do this exercise. Then I used a form of Ho’oponopono to forgive it. This is what I said:
I’m sorry for my projections onto you, Friend.
Please forgive me for the story I made up in the dream.
I love you, holy daughter of God. I love me as my holy Self.
And I thank you, Holy Spirit, for the Divine healing of my mind.
This was a wonderful release. All the judgments simply dissolved and I felt light. I felt like the love that I am. My justifications for holding a grievance and my defenses against her were the out-picturing of my grandiosity. My decision to see it differently by seeing it with God rather than ego, was the out-picturing of my magnitude. It was the reflection of God in and through me. I am grateful to be free, and to know that I am love. I’m willing to do this with every dark thought in my mind.
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