III. The Fear of Redemption, P 9
9 Save him from his illusions that you may accept the magnitude of your Father in peace and joy. But exempt no one from your love, or you will be hiding a dark place in your mind where the Holy Spirit is not welcome. And thus you will exempt yourself from His healing power, for by not offering total love you will not be healed completely. Healing must be as complete as fear, for love cannot enter where there is one spot of fear to mar its welcome.
Journal
Wow! Love cannot enter where there is one spot of fear to mar its welcome. That is an uncompromising statement. So if I insist on seeing my neighbor as nosy and bossy, I have blocked the flow of love and I have prevented complete healing. It seems like such a small thing, so unimportant. I hardly ever see my neighbor and think of her even less, and certainly I don’t express any antagonism toward her. But that dark thought is in my mind and because I have not opened it to light, I have barred the Holy Spirit from that place, and I am not healed.
So now I am going to change my mind about that. I listened to this neighbor talk and make demands and I asked the ego what that meant. The ego and I are now joined in this decision, how I see my neighbor and how I respond to her. What I am going to do instead is to cancel that decision and all that came with it, and I am going to be in union with the Holy Spirit instead. The Holy Spirit will be my adviser and together we will join in a different decision making process.
I haven’t given my neighbor much thought and have not become deeply attached to my decision about her, so it is not hard to do this. I readily choose to see the Christ in this woman and am happy to do it. Some other decisions I have made with the Holy Spirit are harder to walk away from. I am deeply invested in the previous decision made with ego and so I have to gently extricate myself from it.
My son was in the hospital recently and I worry about him. This is a dark spot in my mind that I bring to the light, then hide away again. I have been pulling it out and putting back for a long time now. He has had a lot of physical challenges and so it stays on my mind. Here is what is happening. I think of his problems and I feel afraid for him. I tell myself it is a mother’s love, but it is an attack on him.
Every worry thought is an attack on his perfection, and an attack on God Who created him perfect. Every thought is a prayer and so my thought that he is vulnerable and fragile is a prayer that he be vulnerable and fragile. That can’t be love. It is certainly not light. I gladly offer these thoughts to the Holy Spirit right now and I ask that He join with me in a new vision of my son.
Here is a new prayer that I say each time I forget and turn to the ego mind for an interpretation of what is happening to my son. I think this prayer often in between attacks, too, as it helps me to remember to join with Spirit in every decision about how I feel about my son.
My prayer is a visualization more than words. I see him standing with friends and throwing back his head in laughter. He is glowing from within and I know it is his holiness that I see. I know that there is nothing his holiness cannot do. I join my holiness with his and our holiness envelopes the world. I am saving him from his illusions that I may accept the magnitude of my Father in peace and joy.
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