II. The Decision to Forget, 4
4 When you attack, you are denying yourself. You are specifically teaching yourself that you are not what you are. Your denial of reality precludes the acceptance of God’s gift, because you have accepted something else in its place. If you understand that this is always an attack on truth, and truth is God, you will realize why it is always fearful. If you further recognize that you are part of God, you will understand why it is that you always attack yourself first.
Journal
If I attack someone it is because I feel threatened. As I am in truth, I cannot be threatened. I am Spirit, the Son of God, invulnerable and perfectly safe. No harm has ever come to me and cannot ever come to me. But when I forget what I am and start thinking with the ego mind, I feel vulnerable, weak and frail, because I am identified first and foremost with the body. I feel threated by everything, because the body seems open to attack by everything.
When I feel threatened, I want to defend myself and so I attack. The two, attack and defense, are always seen together. Even if I feel attacked and don’t say or do anything, the thought of attack, the belief in attack, is in my mind, and that thought keeps me in a dark place. It creates guilt in my mind and with guilt comes fear. This is not what I am and as long as I believe it is, I will block the truth and deny myself the gifts of God.
Yesterday I worked at the office and there was some strife between employees. I was not involved in it, but I could not avoid hearing the attacks and counter attacks. I saw this dynamic that I am learning about today being played out. I noticed that after awhile I was feeling stressed. I began to resent this intrusion on my peace, and that resentment is an attack.
I saw what I was doing right away. I saw that I was making them guilty for how I felt. I am very familiar with this ego tactic and so I asked that my mind be healed. I asked for peace and to have peace I must be willing to let go of what it is that is blocking the peace. It was kind of funny the way Holy Spirit helped me.
I received a phone call from a student who started the conversation by saying what she really wanted was peace. We had a long conversation about how to do this. We also talked about the necessity of letting go of the blocks to peace, if peace is what we really want. It is not possible to have both peace and that which blocks peace.
We talked about how asking for peace but keeping the blocks in place isn’t going to work. We discussed processes that would help in changing her mind, so that she could let go of the need for people in her life to be what she thought she needed them to be. We ended the conversation with a reminder that reading and talking about these truths will inspire us but will not heal us. For that we have to use what we receive from the words.
After we had hung up I was going over the conversation in my mind. It felt pretty complete and I thought it would be helpful. Then I had to laugh because I saw that the words I said to her were my answer from Holy Spirit. My peace cannot be taken from me by anyone else. If I am feeling stressed by someone else’s situation, that is something that happened in my mind and it is my mind that must be healed.
The thought that my peace depends on my environment being peaceful is wrong. Peace would not be worth much if it were so fragile, and dependent on others. I had thought that my coworkers were attacking my peace, but that thought was an attack on them because it said they were guilty.
It was also an attack on myself because it said that I was threatened and vulnerable to that threat. Feeling threatened and vulnerable attacked my reality. It left me believing that I am not my holy Self, but rather the frightened and guilty body the ego believes in. I saw that no one was threatening my peace. I was threatening myself, and I easily returned to peace with that realization.
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