IV. The End of Sickness
2 Reality can dawn only on an unclouded mind. It is always there to be accepted, but its acceptance depends on your willingness to have it. To know reality must involve the willingness to judge unreality for what it is. To overlook nothingness is merely to judge it correctly, and because of your ability to evaluate it truly, to let it go. Knowledge cannot dawn on a mind full of illusions, because truth and illusions are irreconcilable. Truth is whole, and cannot be known by part of a mind.
Journal
This is clear to me. I can understand, as a concept, most of what Jesus tells us in the Course, but I cannot truly accept it with a mind clouded with illusions. I cannot believe in wholeness and believe in separation at the same time. If one is true, the other is not. Jesus says that we must be willing to judge unreality for what it is if we want to know reality. We must be willing to overlook nothingness.
It makes perfect sense to me, but I also have trouble doing it sometimes. Yesterday I became very emotional. I had trouble understanding exactly why. I could think of reasons, and I knew something triggered it, but really, I wasn’t clear about what was going on. It didn’t help to try to distance myself from the emotional response. The harder I tried to do that, the more certain I became that there really was something wrong and that this wrongness was reality rather than the peace I had felt before.
What I did, finally, was to ask for help. I turned to the Helpers available to me and asked that my mind be cleared of this confusion. I asked with absolute sincerity and complete certainty that this is what I wanted. Searching for reasons and trying to find my own healing was just making everything worse. I had to turn away from the darkness completely and surrender my own agenda. I had to become fully willing to be healed and when that happened the clouds cleared and I regained clarity.
It was impossible for me to know that I am His Son and beloved of Him, to know that I am cared for and safe, and at the same time to believe that I am a weak and vulnerable body in constant danger and in need of defense. I cannot see the truth of what I am while I am trying to protect myself. I cannot see truth and illusions at the same time.
I still get caught up in the ego web of deception, but I also know that I have help and I am not alone in the process of awakening to the truth. Now that I can think clearly, all this is obvious to me. I choose what I would believe. I choose the ego and I suffer, or I choose to believe the truth and I am at peace.
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