III. The God of Sickness
1 You have not attacked God and you do love Him. Can you change your reality? No one can will to destroy himself. When you think you are attacking yourself, it is a sure sign that you hate what you think you are. And this, and only this, can be attacked by you. What you think you are can be very hateful, and what this strange image makes you do can be very destructive. Yet the destruction is no more real than the image, although those who make idols do worship them. The idols are nothing, but their worshippers are the Sons of God in sickness. God would have them released from their sickness and returned to His Mind. He will not limit your power to help them, because He has given it to you. Do not be afraid of it, because it is your salvation.
Journal
What a relief to read the first sentence. I have not attacked God and I do love Him. The belief that this is not true is the reason I am still dreaming, and since it is time I woke up, I am glad to know that I am innocent, that I do want to return to my Father, and that it is safe to do so.
The next reassurance I get from this paragraph is that I am not really attacking myself even though it seems like I am. I am actually only attacking what I believe about my self, what I think I am. This body and this personality that I call Myron and think of as my self is not really who I am. Jesus says that this strange image I have made of myself can feel very hateful and destructive. Yet the destruction is no more real than the image I have made and called my self.
As I read these paragraphs I feel guilt fall away. I am remembering a sentence in the Course where Jesus reassures us that the ego does sin, but we are not the ego. He is giving this same reassurance now. All those times when I acted selfishly and all the times when I failed to be the person I wanted to be, are not of consequence. They are important only as they allow me to see what belief in my mind needs to be released to the Holy Spirit.
Here is something interesting. Jesus refers to the images we made as idols and says that when we make idols we worship them. So this little self I made, the body and its personality and the whole story I made around it, is my idol. I am attached to it because I made it and I worship it. That sounds very strange. Thinking about it, though, I suppose I do.
I’m thinking about how I spend money on this body to decorate it, to make it attractive to other bodies. I spend time, money and energy to make it stronger and healthier. I take it to the doctor every year to forestall any possible problems. I defend it from other people, from outside influences of every kind. I worry about it and care for it like it was something precious and of the utmost value. I treasure it above all other bodies. It is my special idol.
Jesus says this is sick behavior and that God would have me released from this sickness and returned to His Mind. Is this a sickness, this worshipping of the body? We think of it as normal and even commendable to take care of the body, though we see it as sickness if taken too far. But when I think about what the body really is, that it is just an image that I made and projected outward so I could pretend to be separate from God and separate from my holy Self, then I understand what Jesus means.
It is a sickness to worship something that doesn’t actually exist, that isn’t real. Even in the world and in time, it is a fleeting image, a frail and pathetic thing that begins the process of dying the moment we bring it into existence. It is not what we are and what we are is not in the least affected by what happens to this image we made. Is it something to be worshipped, this imaginary thing? Is it something so important that we would trade it for eternal bliss?
God would have us be freed from this strange idolatry and returned to His Mind Which is our true Home. He has given us the power to do this, to return the Son of God to His Father. We are told that we should not be afraid of this power. I had an experience as I was reading something in the Course that put me, just briefly, into that flow of power. It scared me. I felt myself contract away from it. I realized I was afraid of that responsibility.
I was surprised by my reaction, but it is evidently common and expected, so much so, that Jesus is addressing it here. I suppose that our misuse of that power and the unexpected and unfortunate results have left us power shy. But God gave us the power to save ourselves and so it is ours to use. God would no more give us something harmful than you would give your child sharp objects to play with. I am ready to embrace this power and I open my heart to healing. I release the fear I felt at the thought of doing so. I release it to the Holy Spirit to be removed from my mind.
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